Nerd for Hire

Daily Comic: April 11, 2011

2011-04-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

So of course the last panels isn't true (yet!), but the other three panels are almost a word for word conversation that Leslie and I had last week.

Daily Comic: April 5, 2011

2011-04-05T16:09:00.001-07:00

Hopefully there will be more of these in the pipe, but for now, here's a little something I drew at lunch. It is from an actually conversation I had with one of my co-workers today at work. Enjoy!

Daily Comic Project: September 7, 2010

2010-09-07T15:12:00.000-07:00

Daily Comic Project: August 24, 2010

2010-08-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

Daily Comic August, 23 2010

2010-08-23T15:13:00.001-07:00

Daily Comic August 20, 2010

2010-08-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation I had on the phone with Leslie this morning. I did indeed make it to Criminal Records shortly after work for some Dunnys. And it was glorious. Enjoy!

So our friend John is a lawyer in Chicago, and he too is a big Dunny fan. There are only a couple people I can talk to about this obsession, and he's my go to guy. He's also been one of my big supporters on this Daily Comic. Thanks John!

Daily Comic Project: August 19, 2010

2010-08-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to do a comic about some already existing characters, so today I decided to do a Star Wars comic. And of course it's starring Boba Fett because he's my favorite character. Enjoy!

Daily Comic Project: August 18, 2010

2010-08-18T17:29:00.001-07:00

Another slow day in the life of J.P. I decided since I did a comic focusing on Friday yesterday today I'd do one about Ninja. All that's left now is a Zam comic!

Daily Comic Project: August 17, 2010

2010-08-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing exciting happened today, so instead I decided to dedicate today's comic to Friday!

Daily Comic Project: August 16, 2010

2010-08-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

Daily Comic Project: August 15, 2010

2010-08-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Oh McDonald's. Why have you forsaken me?

Daily Comic Project: August 14, 2010

2010-08-14T16:35:00.001-07:00

I should mention before you read this that my father and I have the same name. He was born in Paris and moved to Germany as a teen because his father was in the military. Now read on!

This week's comic features awesome design assists from my lovely and talented wife Leslie!

(you'll probably want to click and enlarge to make the text a bit easier to read)

The Origin of the Daily Comic

2010-08-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

A year or so ago our friends Kevin and Amanda came and stayed with us a couple days. One night Kevin and I were farting around and I told him about the idea of a daily comic. I told him how I read the James Kochalka Sketchbook Diaries and it really inspired me to do the same thing. Kevin was so persistent that I do it. I told him i would try, but he saw through me. So I suggested we each draw a comic about the moment, in hopes that it would get my creative juices flowing. Here are the comics that we drew.

Here's mine:

And here's Kevin's:

Daily Comic Project: August 13, 2010

2010-08-13T13:56:00.001-07:00

Daily Comic Project: August 12, 2010

2010-08-12T16:23:00.000-07:00

The Daily Comic is back on! I missed a couple days because I had some stuff going on, but I'm hoping to finish up the month uninterrupted!

Daily Comic Project: August 8, 2010

2010-08-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

I've now officially been doing the Daily Comic for over a week! Tomorrow we're going to an advance screening for Scott Pilgrim, so there's a chance I might not have time for a comic.

Daily Comic Project: August 7, 2010

2010-08-07T17:10:00.001-07:00

We went to Sam Flax today! I bought a few new pens and a couple new sketch books. For this comic I decided to experiment with a gray marker to add some depth to the backgrounds. Be sure to let me know what you think!

Daily Comic Project: August 6, 2010

2010-08-06T17:43:00.001-07:00

Daily Comic Project: August 5, 2010. GIANT SIZED EDITION!

2010-08-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today was Leslie's trip to the oral surgeon. I know many of you were looking forward to a hysterical story about her talking crazy while she was doped up, but sadly that hasn't happened (yet). Here is a story about what happened to me during Leslie's chaotic morning. And since I had a little extra time I added two extra panels!

(click it to enlarge)

Daily Comic Project: August 4, 2010

2010-08-04T18:18:00.001-07:00

Daily Comic Project: August 3, 2010

2010-08-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Working out is hard!

Daily Comic Project: August 2, 2010

2010-08-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

This one was a bit rushed, but this was what happened at dinner tonight...

Daily Comic Project: August 1, 2010

2010-08-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

For the month of August I am going to attempt to draw a short comic everyday. The majority of them will be about something that occurred that day. However, there will likely be some days where nothing exciting has happened. On those days I'll try to write a brief comic about something else, like Darth Vader getting a haircut or something. The idea is just to create something new every day. I don't know if I'll realistically get to do this everyday, but I plan to try my best. Enjoy!

iPhone, and the Mystery of the Missing Bars

2010-07-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

What the hell is going on at Apple lately? I can only imagine the whole company has been working around the clock since iPhone 4 dropped. Or at least I hope they are. There has been tons of craziness about the new iPhone, but I'm not too concerned with that. What I am worried about is what the newest operating system means for my current iPhone, which is a measly iPhone 3G, and at this point is two iPhone generations old.

Facing a deluge of complaints from websites and consumers about iPhone 4, Apple comically announced that the formula that decides how many signal bars your phone is receiving has been incorrect on the OS since 2007! The Huffington Post quoted Apple saying: "[Users'] big drop in bars is because their high bars were never real in the first place." WHAT?! How is that acceptable?! AT&T's coverage has been crappy to begin with, but it turns out it's crappier then you think?! On Thursday, July 15th Apple released an updated version of iOS 4 that fixes the issues with the wayward bars. I updated my phone as soon as the update was available. My wife also has a 3G phone, but we held off updating her OS so we could compare the bars.

These are two photos I took with our phones inches apart, so they're receiving the same amount of signal from the local tower.

This is my wife's phone.
She has nearly full bars

And this is my phone. Just one bar.
(Yes, I have two Star Wars apps on my home screen. Don't judge me!)

Is this progress? Not really. Apple claims this is something they discovered recently, but one can't help but wonder if they knew this all along and this was a meager attempt to help with all the flack they've been getting from the iPhone 4 fiasco.

All this being said, do the bars really matter? What difference does it make if you have full bars, or just one, as long as you can make and receive calls? I'm sure we've all been in situations where your friend had no bars and been able to make a call and we've had full bars and can't even dial out (and that's not a slam on AT&T).

And yes I realize that these are silly things to worry about. We could all live out our lives happily without ever picking up a cell phone again. In this capitalist society we have high expectations for the purchases we make, and more importantly we want to feel that we own the fanciest gadgets available. So it shouldn't be a surprise that when our tech-nerd status gets called into question we might lash out.

Belly Buster

2010-07-16T05:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm exercising again. I say again because this has been a start and stop process over the past few years. I'm overweight, and it's kind of a bummer. I mean, I don't have trouble fitting into an airplane seat, and I don't get winded walking up a couple flights of stairs, but I know it's not healthy. And I'd also like all of my clothes to fit better again.

So once again, I'm exercising. But this time it's going to be different.

I know. I know. That's what I say every time, but I'm starting to learn what my limits are and what is or is not realistic for me. The last few attempts to get in shape involved gym memberships. Not only are they pricey, but I felt so self-conscious in front of other people. Plus there was the inconvenience of it. It's hard enough finding the motivation to exert myself, but now I have to get up and leave the house to do it? No way! So this time I thought I'd keep it close to home. Leslie and I bought the EA Sports Active Game for the Wii. How much closer to your home can you get then your living room?

We fooled around with it a bit and then it sat unused on our entertainment center for a while. Now I've got a program going with it. It's a 30 day work out challenge and I'm about halfway through with it.

That's the other flaw in my quest for fitness. Once I start working out I always brag to everyone in the world about it, how I'm doing this and that. Then because I made the mistake of telling people, they ask how I'm doing with it. Have I seen a difference? How often do I do it? Next thing I know it's all this imaginary pressure and I can't take it and I just quit. This time I wanted to keep up with it for a few weeks before I told anyone.

This week I completed the game's 30 Day Challenge, which is 20 days of work outs and 10 days of rest. With the 30 day challenge every day they throw a handful of exercises at you. Some are a little tough (fuck you in-line skating!) and some are pretty easy. Each session runs about 20 minutes and there's usually 18 or so activities. The personal trainer in the game is a bit of a douche, but otherwise the game is pretty fun. The activities are different enough that I don't get bored, and that's important to me. There is a lot of running in place type stuff, and there is also the sport stuff Wii is known for like tennis and basketball. What's frustrating is that the workout will start and they'll say, "Today we're going to focus on upper body!" and then you have to do 15 sets of lunges. And I fucking hate lunges.

My daily routine is that I wake up around 5 am, go downstairs to the living room to work out, shower and then go to work. The program suggests that you take a day off every two days, but I've been working out Monday through Friday and taking Saturdays and Sundays off. It doesn't seem to mind that I ignore its advice on rest, just so long as I'm not gone for too long. Outside of the living room I also make attempts to cut out some of the awful stuff I typically eat. Granted, I probably still eat a bit more than I should, and in a job like mine it's hard to turn away food, but I'm making an effort.

Now the big question: Have there been any results? Yes and no. I've noticed a slight difference in the way my clothes fit. Also I can tell that some of the exercises in the game are becoming a bit easier, so hopefully that means I'm increasing my endurance and/or stamina.

And that's where I'm at. I'm exercising. I'm never going to be a super thin or fit guy, but if I make an effort maybe I can get a bit healthier. Don't keep and eye out for me showing up at the neighborhood pool in a Speedo any time soon, but don't think I can't handle a nice long hike either.

Pet Peeve #269,821

2010-05-06T09:32:00.001-07:00

Okay. Let's get one thing straight. When someone dies and you want to pay tribute to that person, you can write them a poem, you can write a book or a movie and dedicate it to them, or you can even build them a statue or monument to honor them. What you cannot do is put a sticker on your pick-up that says, "In Memory Of So and So". That doesn't work. What is in memory of them? Your rusty truck? The sticker? No! You're an idiot!

Zombie Munny

2010-05-05T13:59:00.001-07:00

I recently got the artsy fartsy bug and decided to try my hand at designing a Munny. I'm still on a zombie kick (uh and who isn't, right?) so I decided to go with that. Here's the finished product.

I'm pleased with the end result. I used Sharpies for pretty much everything. When it was complete I added a thin coat of Mod Podge to preserve the work.

Half way through the work I noticed the toy came with two right arms, so then I had to make a decision. I was debating if I should make the wrong arm look like it was cut off or leave it off altogether and make the hole where it was look like it had been ripped off entirely. I decided to put an X-Acto knife to it to give it a nice severed look.

Oh yeah, and I'm still obsessed with glow in the dark stuff.

I used Golden brand glow in the dark arcylic paint for the eyes and the teeth.

The Munny definitely has a lot more surface area to work with than a Dunny. I think this was a successful first attempt and I look forward to my next design.

The year in music (so far)

2010-04-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

Apparently the reason that there were so few good albums in 2009 is because everyone had a release planned for this year. We're not even halfway through 2010 and it's already been a Cthulhu-sized monster raping my bank account. Here are my favorite releases so far this year:

Vampire Weekend - Contra
Los Campesinos! - Romance is Boring
Fang Island - Fang Island
Gogol Bordello - Trans-Continental Hustle
Tallest Man on Earth - The Wild Hunt
MC Chris - MC Chris Goes to Hell
Gorillaz - Plastic Island
Method Man, Ghostface Killa, and Raekwon - Wu-Massacre

I'm also leaving out awesome releases by favorites like Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, She & Him, MGMT, Flobots and MC Frontalot. And with new releases coming from both The Hold Steady, LCD Soundsystem and Broken Social Scene in the next couple weeks, there's no sign of relief coming for my wallet.

Some future releases that make me tingle in the gentlemen parts include Against Me!, Dead Weather, Sage Francis, Gaslight Anthem and the first full-length release of I Fight Dragons. I feel like the trend of the past few years has been lots of cool music from new indie acts, but so far 2010 has mostly been all about the return of some of old favorites.

Last year I struggled to put together a top 10 list for the year. This year I think it's going be difficult just narrowing it down to only 10 albums. 2009 left me mopey every time I turned on my iPod. In 2010, I'm now looking for second job to support CD habit. It's a good year to have hearing, my friends.

10 Things Every American Should Know About Health Care Reform

2010-03-23T02:37:00.000-07:00

If you're anything like me you have no idea what's going on with this new Health Care madness. I pretty much just know it's needed and I wanted to see it happen. At the same time I can understand why folks are concerned with the costs and how it will effect our current coverage. Yesterday MoveOn.org sent out an interesting email with some facts I thought some of you might find interesting. Now granted, this information was taken from an extremely leftist site, but that doesn't change that these are actual facts, not opinions, and each point shares it's source as well. I hope you find this as interesting as I did.

10 Things Every American Should Know About Health Care Reform

1. Once reform is fully implemented, over 95% of Americans will have health insurance coverage, including 32 million who are currently uninsured.

2. Health insurance companies will no longer be allowed to deny people coverage because of preexisting conditions—or to drop coverage when people become sick.

3. Just like members of Congress, individuals and small businesses who can't afford to purchase insurance on their own will be able to pool together and choose from a variety of competing plans with lower premiums.

4. Reform will cut the federal budget deficit by $138 billion over the next ten years, and a whopping $1.2 trillion in the following ten years.

5. Health care will be more affordable for families and small businesses thanks to new tax credits, subsidies, and other assistance—paid for largely by taxing insurance companies, drug companies, and the very wealthiest Americans.

6. Seniors on Medicare will pay less for their prescription drugs because the legislation closes the "donut hole" gap in existing coverage.

7. By reducing health care costs for employers, reform will create or save more than 2.5 million jobs over the next decade.

8. Medicaid will be expanded to offer health insurance coverage to an additional 16 million low-income people.

9. Instead of losing coverage after they leave home or graduate from college, young adults will be able to remain on their families' insurance plans until age 26.

10. Community health centers would receive an additional $11 billion, doubling the number of patients who can be treated regardless of their insurance or ability to pay.

Sources:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10. "Affordable Health Care for America: Summary," House Energy and Commerce Committee, March 18, 2010
http://wwwd.house.gov/akamaidocs/energycommerce/SUMMARY.pdf

3. "Insurance Companies Prosper, Families Suffer: Our Broken Health Insurance System," U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Accessed March 22, 2010
http://healthreform.gov/reports/insuranceprospers/index.html

4. "Affordable Health Care for America: Health Insurance Reform at a Glance: Revenue Provisions," House Energy and Commerce Committee, March 18, 2010
http://wwwd.house.gov/akamaidocs/energycommerce/REVENUE.pdf

5. "New Jobs Through Better Health Care," Center for American Progress, January 8, 2010
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2010/01/new_jobs_health.html

8, 9. "Proposed Changes in the Final Health Care Bill," The New York Times, March 22, 2010
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/03/19/us/politics/20100319-health-care-reconciliation.html

10. "Affordable Health Care for America: Health Insurance Reform at a Glance: Addressing Health and Health Care Disparities," House Energy and Commerce Committee, March 20, 2010
http://docs.house.gov/energycommerce/DISPARITIES.pdf

*Here is the actual article at MoveOn.org if you want to send a link to your friends: 10 Things Every American Should Know About Health Care Reform

Home owners

2010-01-27T03:28:00.000-08:00

We bought a house! I know, crazy, right? We closed back on January 11th and our lives have been chaos ever since. We've been struggling to get settled and unpack everything. We've been hanging curtains and stocking the guest bathrooms. It's been pretty unreal.

Yesterday Leslie and I were getting really excited about buying a new front door. I sat at my desk at work and thought, "Is this what being an adult feels like? Getting excited over a new door?" I was able to rationalize it that we were ordering the door online and it has to be custom made and all this other nonsense that is far beyond what I think your average adult would do for a door. This doesn't make us extrodinary, just as obsessive about stuff like young folks, and that's what counts to me.

There's bound to be more new house news coming soon. There are even rumblings of a joint house blog that Leslie and I will write together. Stand by for more news.

Onward to mayhem!

The Best and Worst of 2009

2009-12-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

2009 was an interesting year for music. Please note I didn't say a good year. The theme of the year for me was disappointment. It seemed like there were lots of big projects and ideas that ultimately let me down.

A perfect example is Monsters of Folk. Monsters of Folk is a supergroup that should have been the highlight of 2009. Take three giants of modern rock and put them together and you would expect them to produce something earth-shaking. Sadly that wasn't the case. What you have are three dudes who are allegedly pretty talented on their own putting out an average album. Granted I'm only familiar with Conor Oberst's previous work, but I expected to walk away wanting to hear more by Jim James and M. Ward, and that wasn't the case at all.

I was also apprehensive, but excited when I heard the news of The Decemberists epic Hazards of Love. Even though it remains one of my favorites of the year, it still didn't live up to what it could have been.

There were a handful of great albums though. Here is my top ten, in no particular order. I tried to recommend a track for each album for those that want to explore the picks a bit more.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Fun, chanty, hippy bohemian music. I'll be shocked if you're not whistling and tapping your foot when it comes to an end. The best song on the album is Home. Go download it. Now.

Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest When hearing Grizzly Bear's first single off this album, Two Weeks, you might think this track was left off the Breakfast Club soundtrack. While it doesn't necessarily live up to all the hype it's been getting, Veckatimest is definitely a great album.

Dead Man's Bones - Possibly my favorite album of the year. Actor Ryan Gosling and his friend Zach Shields join with a children's choir to create an dark and eerie album. The Dead Man's Bones debut looks like a Halloween album on paper, but you'll be listening to it year round. My favorite track is probably My Body's a Zombie for You.

Hockey - Mind Chaos - A friend passed this album to me and it was a few listens before I finally got it. I don't know exactly how to describe Hockey; probably as updated '80s rock. Check out Work.

The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love - I don't know if I would like this album as much as I do had we not seen the songs performed live. It can be a bit to take in. Read my review of the album from earlier this year. The highlight of the record is The Rake Song.

Dananananaykroyd - Hey Everyone - I'm not going to lie to you, part of the reason I love this band is their crazy name. Bizarre name or not, this band knows how to rock. Fun and poppy meets fast and heavy. You have got to hear Pink Sabbath.

Passion Pit - Manners - This is the follow-up to the bands successful EP. Sweet and poppy electronica. Perfect for driving on a sunny day with the windows rolled down. I recommend The Reeling.

Neko Case - Middle Cyclone - Case is my favorite female artist of 2009. At times this album is a bit soft, but her heartfelt lyrics will have you begging for more. The opening track, This Tornado Loves You, is my favorite on the album.

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast - This musical genius combines whistling and violin to make one of the most unique sounds in music today. We managed to catch him live and he is nothing short of a virtuoso. The best track on the album is Fitz and Dizzyspells.

K'naan - Troubadour - K'naan (pronounced kay-non) is a Somalian born rapper that came to America at a very young age. He rhymes are fresh and clever and he's beats are strong. I recommend Wavin' Flag.

Other honorable mentions include the releases from Kid Cudi, Avett Brothers, Girls, Raekwon, xx, NOFX, Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, MC Chris Part 6 Parts 1-3, Cymbals Eat Guitars, Dead Weather, I Fight Dragons, Lonely Island, Matt & Kim, A Fine Frenzy and Felice Brothers.

Most overrated album of the year - Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. I love pop music. Critics give Phoenix points for being minimalists when the truth is they're just an average band.

The 'hide the razor blades while I listen to this' album of the year - The Antlers - Hospice. Lead singer Peter Silberman tells the story of watching a loved one slowly die in this dark and moody album. This dark and emotional album is quite a feat, but make sure it's a sunny day when you put it on.

The album I wish I loved as everyone else album of the year - Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion. I like Animal Collective, I really do. And I would never say that this album is not worthy of all the praise it gets. The truth is that it just doesn't do that much for me. And that bums me out, because I loved Animal Collective's last album, Strawberry Jam.

Most listened to track of the year according to iTunes play count: MC Chris - Neville - This year MC Chris released three EPs, Part 6 Parts 1-3. While each EP did include a new Star Wars bounty hunter track, following the tradition of Fett's Vette, Neville was the stand-out track of the year from my favorite 'nerdcore' rapper. Neville, is of course about Neville Longbottom of the Harry Potter books. In the story MC Chris explores the untold story of Neville and the success he finds as a drug dealer at Hogwarts.

And since I've already been all whiny about this year's music, here are my top disappointments of the year in no particular order:

Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk
Wilco - Wilco (the album)
Volcano Choir - Unmap
Discovery - LP
Swell Season - Strict Joy
Weezer - Raditude
Cursive - Mamma I'm Swollen
Regina Spektor - Far

While there were a few good offerings, overall 2009 was a bummer. With releases from both Vampire Weekend and Los Campesinos! lined up in the next few months, things are already looking up in 2010.

Dunny Project 1.0

2009-11-20T16:41:00.000-08:00

If you know me then you probably know that I'm obsessed with Dunnys, the popular designer toys from KidRobot. It has become commonplace amongst Dunny collectors to make their own custom Dunnys. Feeling inspired by some of the success I've seen other fans have, I decided to take a shot at designing a Dunny.

To design your own Dunny you start with a Dunny you no longer want.You then remove all the paint from the Dunny, prime it, and paint it up.

I am obsessed with glow in the dark stuff, so I knew I had to incorporate that into my design. I wanted it to be a surprise though, and not a known aspect of the toy. The basic idea I had for my Dunny was going to be an electrician bunny and I would use the glow in the dark paint to make it appear as if he was being electrocuted.

So I primed my Dunny, painted it with a bit of acrylic paint, and used a Sharpie to do the finer details. I taped off where I wanted the Dunnys skeleton to be and hit it with the glow in the dark spray paint. That was one of the most difficult parts because I wanted there to be enough paint to give it a good glowing effect, but not so much that it would show up in the light and give away its hidden feature. The head and arms came out pretty decent but the chest was way too prominent. I decided I wanted to give the Dunny a nice matte finish so I picked up some satin gloss spray paint. Little did I know that the gloss would make all of the Sharpie on the Dunny run like it was wet.

It seemed like every time I made it to the next step I realized I had to go to the art store again. This made the project take the better part of a month to complete. By the time I came to end I was so frustrated and bored with it I just wanted it to be done and over with. I had also planned to put a "KR Electrical" logo on the back and I wanted to give him a little name badge patch on his chest that said "Sparky". They would have added some much needed character to the design, and taken up some of the negative space on his back, but I was ready to move on so I left it the way it was.

Here are photos of the finished product...

The glow in the dark paint job didn't come out as great as I had hoped, but Leslie managed to make it look really great in photo. I wish it only looked that bright in person!

I'm disappointed in the finished product, but I think it came out pretty well considering this was my first attempt at doing this. I think I was a bit overly ambitious. I took a couple chances and I don't think they paid off. Next I'm going to try to design a mini Munny since it's a bit of a larger piece.

This is all part of my mission to create more, and so far I have to admit I'm pleased with myself.

Drawing Bored

2009-11-18T16:39:00.000-08:00

I decided to get some business cards printed over at moo.com. The site is pretty sweet and lets you add your own art to the cards. Because the kids like them so much right now I thought I'd draw up some zombies to put on the cards. And here they are:

Jabber Jaw

2009-11-06T03:09:00.000-08:00

I like to talk. At great length. To whomever about whatever. The art of conversation is not dead, it's just that some people are lousy artists.

Rarely do I find myself without the words to say. I can have a conversation with a complete stranger just as easily as an old friend. I also take great pleasure in throwing out words and phrases that people haven't heard before. I'm obsessed with sounding like I have the vernacular of a cool character in a movie. I say what's on my mind and sometimes I'm a bit too honest for my own good. I think this throws people off and sometimes they think I'm trying to be funny when the truth is I just don't care. I hate being back into a corner by a string of little white lies, so I come out with the truth up front so people always now where I'm coming from.

I think of talking to a new person as a challenge. It's not like I'm a remarkable person. My job is only mildly interesting and my hobbies are a bit too nerdy to appeal to most audiences. I think I know just a little bit about enough things that I can keep a conversation afloat and not look like a complete idiot. Some people mistake my chatterbox ways for cockiness or confidence. I think the truth is I just enjoy hearing myself talk.

Most great conversationalists will agree an important strength is to know when to stop talking. I'm pretty good at it. Usually. I'll admit, there are times when I'm on a roll at a social gathering where it can be hard to shut me up. I yammer on thinking I'm the life of the party, thinking everyone's hanging on my every word. I like to think people think I'm interesting, but I think sometimes they're just too polite to tell me to shut up.

It should go without saying that listening is one of the most important parts to the conversation. All participants should be equally involved. Otherwise you can practice the art of talking to yourself since you won't be invited to any more parties. You can't just be waiting for the other person to finish just so you can say whatever is on your mind. And timing is everything! Sometimes I will have something funny to say and I'll wait for the chance to slip it in, but if the moment passes I've learned to just let it go. You can't force it in! And if you say it and people didn't hear it, don't repeat yourself a few times hoping to get the laugh you think you deserve.

I've also learned that sometimes the most intelligent and kind thing you can say is nothing at all. Sometimes it is better to think than talk. People expect me to comment on everything, so sometimes it's best just to let it go. For instance, if I see someone at school who's got a new haircut; chances are they've heard a million and one questions and comments about it, so I might just opt to leave it alone. It's not that I don't like paying people compliments, but you can sense when someone's talked enough about something. At least I know when I have.

Obviously all this babble stems from my constant need to be the center of attention. Just the act of writing a blog proves I've convinced myself I have something to say and there is people out there that will listen.

Now go out there and talk, people! And now I will practice knowing when to shut up.

with teeth.

2009-09-02T05:13:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in anything in a while.

The fever that is Summer has finally broke and the cool weather is slowly seeping in. There's a chill in the air that sneaks up your shorts and makes you tingle in your gentleman parts.

I had a brief dentist appointment this morning. In and out. It wasn't the kind where they leave you in the chair for an hour while you sit there wondering if the dentist and hygienist are in the other room discussing how best to tell you all of your teeth are going to fall out. As much as I'm not pleased with my station in life, as much as I get discouraged about being overweight, as much as I'm disappointed I'm not back in school, I can always count on receiving a heaping handful of compliments at the dentist office. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I have some pretty good teeth; and the dentists remind me every chance they get. Granted this is the South, and I'm sure they are accustomed to patients with all manner of jagged and missing teeth. If every other patient comes in looking like Shane McGowan it's probably a relief to occasionally get a guy that at least owns a roll of floss, let alone knows how to use it.

On the highway on the way home I saw an 18 wheeler in which someone had scrawled on the back door, "Jesus loves me," and "Jesus saves." I couldn't help but wonder if either of these statements were true then I'm sure Jesus would prefer it not be written in the dirt and soot on the back of a truck. And more importantly, the person who wrote it must have been in a sad state if they found themselves writing messages to people on the back of an 18 wheeler. Maybe Jesus does save, just not that person apparently.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this weekend is Dragon Con. We managed to get press passes courtesy of Broken Frontier. There are a ton of celebrities and comic artist. There is also going to be a big Kid Robot event called Dunny Fest. Oh, and MC Chris will be there as well. This could end up being the biggest con I've ever gone to.

And so that's it. Nothing enlightening or important to say. Just a bunch of rambling that will no doubt be labeled as "stream of consciousness writing" by my co-worker, Foxy. We have a dermatologist appointment later so I took the day off for that and the dentist. Guess I'll clean the house a little.

Going Down

2009-07-15T02:43:00.000-07:00

A lot of people get killed in elevators in the movies. I began to muse about why this might be. I can only imagine it's because there is a universal feeling of claustrophobia in elevators. Here you are, trapped in this 8' by 8' steel cube and there really isn't much you can do other then hope it's functioning properly. If you were in there and someone came at you with a gun, knife, tentacle, whatever, there is no place to run.

Or perhaps there have been too many screen writers riding elevators to some movie exec's office only to find their script was rejected or trashed.

Eh. Just be careful in the elevator I guess.

Obey

2009-06-17T02:44:00.000-07:00

Watch one of my heroes, Shepard Fairey, do his thing:

Shepard Fairey from Arkitip on Vimeo.

My Letter to the President

2009-06-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

NBC recently aired a special called Inside the Obama White House. Leslie and I caught it and I was surprised at how interesting it was. I knew I liked our president, but I gained even more respect for him after seeing the inner workings of his administration. At one point in the special they talked about the letters that President Obama receives. It then occurred to me that I should write a letter to the president.

What follows is that letter:

Dear Mr. President,

Let me begin by saying good job. In my 29 years I have never before been so proud to be an American. This is a feeling that I am shamed to say is a bit foreign to me. I followed your campaign very closely and my wife and counted the days we would have the honor to vote you into office. I've been extremely impressed with what you've done with the giant mess that was waiting on your desk when you showed up. Keep up the good work.

Now that I'm done buttering you up, here's my plea: I need a job. Full disclosure, I'm not unemployed. I have a pretty good job for someone with just an AA. In fact, between my job and my wife's we live quite comfortably. I am not another unfortunate American who lost there job as a result of the recession.

I work for a wholesale company and I purchase large quantities of cheese in the South East. You're probably asking yourself how I could apply these skills at in your administration, and the truth is I don't know. However, I think it is the interests in my personal life that might be of use.

It is for that reason that I think you should create a new position: Secretary of Pop Culture. I am a connoisseur of all forms of pop culture. I have a vast knowledge of comics, I am very well acquainted with film both domestic and foreign, I love art (I was a fan of Shepard Fairey well before he created your iconic poster) and I read a lot of books. I also have a great interest in the internet and technology, which I know is a growing focus of your administration. I use facebook, twitter, I write a blog, and I worship Apple products.

As the Secretary of Pop Culture I will keep the administration abreast of all of the important going ons in pop culture. This can include trends in movies or how many times you are mentioned in comics. I will also find a way to catalog the information in a way that will be helpful to the administration.

I'm not looking for fame or fortune and I know the members of your administration have to put in long hard hours. I'm willing to put in my time and do what I must to help you help the country.

I know this is a tall order, and I understand if you cannot accommodate this request at this time. All I ask is that you consider it...and maybe sign my copy of Amazing Spider-man that you appeared in.

Yours truly,
Jean-Paul Dorigo

Of course I do not actually expect a response from President Obama. He's a very busy guy, and to be frank, my letter is pretty ridiculous. I decided to submit it anyway, on the off chance it might make its way to him and give him a chuckle. Of course I'd be lying if I didn't entertain the notion of him responding, if for no other reason then to call me an idiot. Would I ever work for President Obama if offered? In a heartbeat. For now I'll just focus on buying more cheese.

Unknown Soldier

2009-05-31T07:11:00.001-07:00

Life has a funny way of showing you things sometimes. It's not always at a key moment in your life either. Sometimes it's as if fate is telling you, "Remember this moment. You're going to need it later." Or maybe you won't. Who can really say. This mortal coil is nothing if not a mystery.

I should have known something bad was going to happen when Leslie called me on Thursday. She inform me she made vet appointments for two of our cats and the dog all at the same time. Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. She didn't call the vet and simultaneously make three pet appointments. She called the vet, and made one appointment. For three pets. Visions of ripped t-shirts and fur-covered car seats flooded my mind. I don't know why she got the idea to do such a thing, but the pets needed it so I agreed.

Herding all of the animals into the car wasn't as difficult as I feared. Friday was allowed to roam around as she liked. We only own one cat carrier, so we had to determine which cat was most troublesome and needed to be contained. We decided to let Prickers go free range, and stick Ninja in the box.

Everyone was loaded in the car and we were pulling out of the driveway when I noticed a small tan lump at the end of our front yard. I pointed it out to Leslie and she stopped the car and thought we should get a closer look. Before I had even opened the door I had a sneaking suspicion what it was. I wanted to get a closer look to prove to myself it wasn't what I feared. Unfortunately it was exactly what I was afraid of: a small tan-colored cat. As we approached I saw the telltale swarm of flies it and I knew what to expect.

It was a small house cat, about the size or Prickers. There were no signs of what caused its death. I felt my eyes begin to get that familiar tingle where I might start sobbing at any second. I asked Leslie if she was okay, waiting to see if she was going to cry and I'd take that as a cue I could stop holding back. She never cried, so I didn't either.

Should we bury it? Is there someone we could call? We knew we had to do something, but with a car full of animals and an appointment steadily approaching, it would have to wait.

While at the vet we told them what we found and asked what was the best thing to do. He told us we should call animal control and they would come and remove it. That seemed like the logical thing to do because if someone was looking for it they could call the the city and possibly identify their missing pet. I called on the way home and the woman informed me in a very cold and unloving manner that we would have to wrap the animal in two trash bags and leave it on the curb to be picked up on Monday. Leslie and I agreed that wasn't the right thing to do. They would pick it up and cart it off to some landfill where it would never be seen or heard from again. Its parent would have no chance of having it identified. The decision was made to take matters into our own hands.

We unloaded all of the animals out of the car and before I had given it much thought Leslie was in the backyard digging a hole. I went out and helped her get it to an appropriate depth. We then wrapped the cat as the animal control person had suggested and gently placed it in the hole and covered it up. I kept wondering if I should say something, but my atheist ideals reminded me there was no point.

We began to wonder what may have happen to the cat. It wasn't emaciated so it didn't starve. Since we live in front of a pretty busy road Leslie's guess was that it got hit and made it into our yard. It didn't have any tags, but then again neither do our cats. How do we know this wasn't a cat that was primarily indoors and somehow snuck out? The only thing I can take comfort in is knowing that if it was owned by someone, or even if it was a simply a stray that walked the streets, it was given a proper and respectful burial.

I wish I could say this is the first time I had found a dead cat outside a house we lived in. The other story is too sad to retell and did end with me crying. I can't help but wonder if one day I'll need the memory of what occurred on Friday. Maybe it was just a hackneyed 'all life is precious moment.' What I do know is that all life is important to someone somewhere, and I cherish the time spent with my pets. And maybe this will help me forgive them for the attrocities they commit in their litter box.

MC Chris owns!

2009-05-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

On May 13th I had the distinct honor of seeing MC Chris do his thing at the Drunken Unicorn here in Atlanta. Needless to say, it was amazing.

I've been a fan of MC Chris for a few years now. I wish I could say I wasn't turned on to him by Fett's Vette like everyone else in the universe, but unfortunately that's the case. I'm proud to say I bought both Dungeon Masters of Ceremony and MC Chris is Dead at the record store shortly after their respective releases (I don't typically feel the need to be one of those, 'I wasn't the last person to show up to this party' type of people, but this is a guy who's target audience is nerds, and stuff like that matters to them).

Between Atlanta and Orlando I have missed a handful of MC Chris shows, so when I heard he was coming to town again I vowed to make sure I saw him. Leslie was out of town so I coerced my friend Amelia into going. She only knew a few of his songs, but she's a good kid so she agreed to go.

After seemed like hours in the smoky dive MC Chris took the stage. He played a ton of favorites and even a few songs I hadn't heard yet. I had a feeling he would be a good performer, what I didn't expect was for him to be so funny. He was engaging and told genuinely funny stories. He even did a Q&A. Unfortunately he didn't call on me so didn't get to ask my nerdy comic question. Even Amelia thought he was great, which was a relief because I was worried she wouldn't have a good time.

At the end of the show he told the crowd he would be at the merch table signing stuff and taking photos with fans. I began to jump around like a retarded kid at snack time. I asked Amelia if we could stay, but she pointed to her watch and I saw it was almost one o'clock. We both had to work the next day so there was no way I was going to try to convince her to stay longer. She suggested maybe I could drop her off and come back, but it was just too late.

I was passing the venue after dropping Amelia off at her place, and being that I was still wired from the show I thought, "What the hell?" and I went back. I walked right in and sure enough, there was MC Chris at the merch booth. I thought he would be swarmed with fans, but I was able to walk right up and talk to him. I got to ask him my nerdy comic question and I got a CD signed. During the show he mentioned my record/comic shop Criminal Records. I asked what he thought of their new location and he told me he might be doing an in-store performance there in November.

All in all it was an amazing night. The cherry on top was getting to meet MC Chris. And the news of a possible future performance is awesome. Oh, and I forgot to mention I got a fan at the merch booth to take a photo of MC Chris and I:

Yeah, I found the only person in Atlanta under 60 that can't operate a digital camera.

Waking up is hard to do

2009-05-13T02:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I am so tired and so confused I have to run through a step by step process to keep my head from exploding. It typically goes like this:

Okay stand up.
There's an alarm going off.
Okay, someone stopped it.
Where am I?
Okay, there's a photo of me.
This must be my room.
Who's that in the bed?
Oh, okay, that's my wife.
I know her, it's cool.
Do I have to work today?
Is that why the alarm went off?
Is it a weekend and my wife forgot to turn the alarm off before bed?
I'll worry about that later.
First I need to get to the backyard and figure out what planet this is.

This will usually continue until I either get in front of the computer or wander into the neighbor's yard and they call the police. I'd say it's similar to being drunk, but since I never have been I can't be sure. How bad it is typically depends on how late I went to bed and if I ate a meatball sub right before falling asleep.

RASL

2009-05-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Jeff Smith is no stranger to comics. His comic series Bone is one of the most critically acclaimed comics to date and has earned him a ton of awards and will soon be made into a movie. Bone was an epic series that ran 55 issues from 1991 to 2004. Time Magazine listed it as one of the Top 100 All-Time Graphic Novels and said it is, "The best all-ages novel yet published in this medium." Fans waited with bated breath to see what Jeff Smith would do next, and what they got was Rasl.

Rasl is about a guy who can travel in to parallel dimensions with the use of a mysterious machine he helped create. In most comics this might lead to some superheroy type themes, but Rasl travels to other dimensions to steal goods for the highest bidder. Things begin to get hairy when Rasl notices he's not the only one who can travel between dimensions and it begins to put people he cares about in danger.

Rasl comes with a healthy dose of mystery and plenty of nuance. This comic would fit in well on the bookshelf of Lost fans. Smith's art is just as unique as his Bone days and he is proving to still be a master of the medium.

In an interview with The Pulse, Jeff Smith was asked why he would chose to follow a critically acclaimed all-ages series like Bone with a dark and gritty science fiction book, he said, "...I wanted to do something different. Something that feels quick, simple and strong… like a cup of black coffee." And that's exactly what he's done.

The quarterly release schedule for the book could be a bit painful for a comic reader that are used to getting a monthly fix. The first trade has been released collecting the first three issues for those that have given up on floppies.

You can read more about Jeff Smith and his other comics at his site: http://www.boneville.com/

A work in progress

2009-04-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of weird about my hair. I have been since high school. Cutting it, dying it, whatever. It's the perfect place on the human body to experiment because no matter how badly you screw it up, it will always come back. Well, unless you really screw it up.

The past few years I'd had my hair pretty short. It was kind of a messy spikey deal; some would call it a fauxhawk. It was pretty simple to set up. A little gel and some fancy stuff with the hands and viola, instant hipster. Even though it takes minimal effort to set up it was too fragile. I couldn't touch it without screwing it up. I just hate being that way about my hair.

So I've decided to grow it out.

I've been at it for a couple months now. To say it's at an awkward length would be an understatement. For a while I was just letting the hair fall into its natural part. The problem is that my hair wants to part all the way on the edge of my head. So all of the hair on the top of my head is laying in the same direction. It looks almost like I'm trying to force a comb-over. Or worse yet, like the part is a hinge for my hair, and if you were to grab the lip on the opposite side you could pop open the top of my head and reveal my brain.

There really isn't much I can do with it. It's probably at a perfectly good length for a normal guy, but I'm quite abnormal. To make matters worse I don't really know what I want. In high school I had it to about my chin and the maintenance was pretty mild; much less then when it's short.

What I didn't expect was to have such an audience for endeavor. The majority of which are my co-workers. Mostly the older men, most of which are losing their hair. I didn't realize that I held the hopes and dreams of so many men in my beautiful brown hair. One of the gentlemen at work had not seen me in a week and then when he saw me he was remarked, "Wow, J.P. That hair is really growing out!" Everyday someone has a comment for my head, and being starved for attention I am there and willing to receive it. "Trying something new today?", "What kind of product do you use?", "What, did the cat attack you in your sleep?" I receive all kinds of inquiries.

I'm in a slow and steady race and I have no idea what the finish line looks like. I was reading the new issue of Paste and I noticed I have a very similarly shaped head to Colin Meloy of The Decemberists. Then I noticed that he's got a pretty good look. I mean, I'm not down for that shirt and tie deal all the time, but I can pull of a shaggy haircut as much as the next hipster. I guess that's my temporary goal. I have no idea if it will work out. Please stand by for gratuitious angst.

Things have been pretty mundane lately, so this is just something to do. A project. When people ask me about my hair I say it's a work in progress, which is my way of saying I really don't know.

I'm probably giving this too much though.

Mobile Post Test

2009-04-25T14:33:00.001-07:00

Testis. One. Two. Three?

--end mobile transmission--

The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love

2009-04-09T03:23:00.000-07:00

The Decemberists never shy away from a challenge, and their newest effort, The Hazards of Love is proof of that. The Hazards of Love is the riskiest album in recent memory. It's one continuous song that spans over 17 tracks, but don't you dare call it a rock opera. Originally intended for a stage performance, Decemberists front man Colin Meloy decided piece was better suited for an album. The story focuses on Margaret and William. Margaret is pregnant, and William, her baby daddy, is a shape-shifter who transforms into a fawn during the day. While they try to figure out how to make their strange relationship work William's mother, the queen of the forest, tries her best to keep the two apart. The lyric book reads like a play, with different singers singing different parts.

What's challenging about this album is that it doesn't give the listener a chance to catch their breath. Each track weaves carefully into the next. The problem with that is that the songs could might not work taken out of context of the album. How could they perform any of the songs live without doing all of them? This isn't the kind of album you could listen to on shuffle on your iPod.

Then again, maybe that's exactly what Meloy and company wanted. In an age where music is quick and cheap and reduced to snippets on commercials and ringtones, here is an album that demands to be listened to from beginning to end. Granted they're expecting a lot from their listeners, but that's what makes it so daring. It's a ballsy move to be sure.

What is missing on this album is a couple happier, less morose songs. The most cheerful sounding song on the album is about a widower murders his three children. There's no 'Sporting Life' or 'Valencia', it's all dark and dreary. Sure, a happy, flowery song might seem a bit out of place on this album, but it might provide the listener with a much needed aside.

After having the album for a little over two weeks I'm still conflicted on my opinion of it, and the reviewers certainly aren't helping. Rolling Stone gave the album four out of five stars and called it, "an old–fashioned prog concept record." Entertainment Weekly gave it a D+ and said it, "drowns in convoluted plots, blustery guest vocalists, and comically out-of-place guitar shredding." Pitchfork gave it a 5.7, but they hate everything so that's not too surprising.

I had listened to the ablum about a dozen times I and I still couldn't decide if I liked it or if I thought it was too heavy. So today I decided to sit down and listen to the album in its entirey with the lyrics book handy for the intended effect.

After having listened more carefully and read along with the lyrics it is safe to say that this albums fits in nicely with the Decemberists library. While it might require a bit more effort to enjoy, it is definitely an achivement. It's not going to be your favorite Decemberists album to be sure, but it might go down as the most impressive. B

Red Cortez - Hands to the Wall

2009-03-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I have to struggle to appreciate some indie rock. It might not grab me the first time around, but after a bit more effort and patience I might eventually fall in love with a band. The problem is that I go through so much music that sometimes if it doesn't grab me after the first listen it might not make it to a second or third. That's why I was excited when after hearing one track from Red Cortez I was instantly hooked.

I was introduced to Red Cortez via the IndieFeed podcast. The first offering from this new indie band is their EP Hands to the Wall. The first track has an large epic sound, and just when you think you know what to expect from this band, you make it to the second track and find you've got then all wrong. This EP has a pop-rock sound that will have you tapping your foot in your cubical through every track. I look forward to seeing what this band does next.

If you're curious to hear what Red Cortez sounds like check out their MySpace page. If you dig it you can purchase their EP for a measly $3.99 from their website. B-

Moving on up

2009-03-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

I like to think people look up to me. I mean, I'm a funny guy, and I can be resourceful when its necessary. Yet when it comes to promotions and rising above my ranks I never seem to do well. Moving up usually comes down to two things: working well with others and leading the people beneath you. I am inexperienced in the ladder. Outside leading a boyscout troop back before I was even a teenager, I've never been in charge of supervising anyone. I was a magazine supervisor once, but supervisor an unruly periodical department is hardly the same as a bunch of disgruntled employees.

When it comes to moving up I guess people don't take me seriously. I've felt this way for many years. I think I've been typecast as the funny sidekick rather then the kind of guy that could lead a group. I like that I can make people laugh. It sometimes makes me feel like I have a bit of control over them. And typically I'm known as one of the few office clowns. That's never stopped me from applying for a job posting at work though, so when I saw they were accepting applications for an assistant buyer position in my office of course I put in for it. I know in my heart I don't have much of a shot, but putting in for these things shows initiative and will hopefully one day lead to a promotion. If I don't get it I won't be surprised, nor will I will disappointed. Sure it would be nice, but I've come to live with rejection in one form or another, and promotions are no exception.

Reflecting upon my moments of great rejection brought me back to middle school, to the one time I tried out for a promotion from average student to popular student. When I was in middle school something had been birthed that I could never have dreamed of: a gang. This gang included all of the problem kids; kids who had been held back a grade, kids who made noise in class, and I was a told a few kids had actually smoked pot. I'm sure some of them are legitimate criminals now, but at that time it was mostly a sham, and I knew no better. The notoriety was coming from so and so's cousin who was friends with someone who lived near the Latin Kings! How much more legitimate could a middle school gang get?

In middle school as was much as I am now: a pudgy, nerdy kid. This meant I was bullied and made fun of periodically. It didn't mean I wasn't popular or had no friends, I just had a bigger target on me then other kids. I decided I would somehow gain admittance to the gang in an effort to get what I thought would be protection, and popularity. And besides, at that period in my schooling, the bad kids and the cool kids were typically one in the same. I was made fun of by the gang members for trying to join, and needless to say, my application didn't make it very far into their ranks. They decided to forgo the interview process and move right on to mockery. This was worse than a square peg in a round hole scenario. A square peg, when given enough pressure could be forced into a round hole. I was a octagon peg that couldn't even find a hole of any shape or size.

It's been a week since my interview for the assistant buyer position. I think the interview went pretty well. Rumors are circulating over who the position is being given to, but nothing official has been said yet. No surprises really. No matter where I am it always feels like there is a secretive group of decision makers that I have no access to. I'll be called into the office, thanked for my application and they'll explain what I could do to improve myself for the next time a position comes up. I'll act out the part of the grateful employee and say the stuff they want to hear and dutifully return to my desk and do the same thing I've been doing for the past three years.

This is beginning to sound more and more like disappointment. Sure, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it. It would have been nice to have people look to me for answers, and getting a bigger paycheck would be nice too. Really, I'm okay with not getting it though. One day I'll have my chance. Hopefully. Until then, ever kingdom needs a good jester.

My Long Winded Bitch and Moan Fest about Watchmen

2009-03-14T10:11:00.001-07:00

It finally happened. Someone in Hollywood had the cajones to adapt Watchmen into a movie. The question that begs to be answered is: Should Watchmen be a movie?

For those that don't know, Watchmen is one of the most important comics ever written. It's not the best comic ever, but this was the first time a superhero comic was intended for adults. Politics, sex, these weren't topics that were typically addressed in comics. Watchmen changed all of that. Watchmen showed the world that comics could be a legitimate form of literature. Stories have been written since that do the same thing except better, but Watchmen was the first.

It really is surprising it took this long to make it to the big screen. There have been talks about making it into a film for years now. I read once that Terry Gilliam was approached and he said to make it would cost a million dollars per page of the comic. Maybe what he meant was 'to do it right'.

I don't want to be one of those fanboys that shouts "That's not how it happened in the comic!" over and over, but they really changed more then they lead fans to believe when hyping the film. When the Sin City movie was made, it was heralded as a translation rather than an adaptation. That's what I was hoping for with Watchmen, but sadly that wasn't what we got. Instead what fans were handed was a similar plot with more violence, less backstory, a gratuitous sex scene, and a completely different ending. It felt like they wanted to make the story more Hollywood and inject the kind of stuff you find in your run of the mill R rated blockbuster. I'm no prude, I love sex and violence, but the liberties they took with them in this film fit about as much as Steven Hawkins being casting on Dancing with the Stars.

Like most adaptations, there were a handful of minor changes that I could look past. In the comic, there is an on-going story where a young man is reading a comic called Tales of the Black Freighter. The story is about a sailor trying to find his way back home and has to overcome lots of obstacles. Rather than have the character reading the comic in the film, which would have added an hour to the movie, they released it as an animated film, which is due out on DVD later this month.

Minor tweaks to the characters' origins and added sex and violence aside, I think the biggest affront to this story was the dramatic change of the ending. Please keep in mind that if you haven't read the book or seen the movie I'm about to ruin both for you, so if you don't want to ruin the surprise stop reading now.

In the book there is a subplot about a group of people that are considered leaders in their fields; an artist, a writer, scientists, et cetera. We see that they are on an island working on a secret project. It is later revealed that what they're working on would unkowingly be used as Doomsday device for Veidt, only to have their ship home blow up with everyone on it. Veidt puts their plan into motion at the end of the story which includes placing a giant alien squid thinggie in the center of New York City which kills half of the population with it's psychic brain (I'm really oversimplifying it; just go read the damn book already). The idea that the planet was attacked by an alien force convinces the nations to set their differences aside and combine their efforts. Veidt essentially unites the world in one common goal. It's human nature to be at war, but perhaps they could all finally join together to fight the same enemy, even if it wasn't real. And that's exactly what Veidt accomplishes.

The film is similar in the respect that Veidt has scientists working to unwittedly attack New York. He murders them to ensure that no one could reveal his secret. Instead of sending a giant alien squid thinggie to the city, he fabricates an attack and makes it look like it came from Dr. Manhattan. In framing Manhattan (the guy, not the city), he has effectively convinced the world to unite to defend itself from the now crazy Dr. Mantattan and his blue dick of doom.

How retarded. Like any other country wouldn't just say, "Well that sucks for the US, but let's just make sure we're ready in case he comes here!" An alien attack is something that would be a threat to the planet as a whole, and since the attack was partially psychic in the book it effected people all over the globe.

I guess I was expecting too much from the film. It had so much potential. I will admit that it looks gorgeous on the big screen. They really did make the characters come to life. The best part of the film is Rorschach, who despite having one of the most brutal scenes in the film, is the character kept most true to the comic.

I was just hoping that in an industry where a comic book film could be made into art, which is what Christopher Nolan achieved with The Dark Knight, Zack Snyder would take the holiest of comic stories and keep it a bit more true to the book. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Watchmen creator Alan Moore said, "I increasingly fear that nothing good can come of almost any adaptation, and obviously that's sweeping. There are a couple of adaptations that are perhaps as good or better than the original work. But the vast majority of them are pointless." Some would call that statement a bit glib, but after seeing this movie, I'm beginning to agree.

Dead babies

2009-02-17T07:25:00.001-08:00

I'm so tired of seeing that stupid see-you-next-Tuesday with all the babies on the news. I mean, does ANYONE like this woman? Finally the country has something they can all rally behind. Conservatives and liberals alike hate this lady. Bless you Nadya Suleman for uniting the nation!

There's only one fair way to handle this issue. Once all the kids have got their teeth in there should be a steel cage match. Only the strongest baby gets to live. The corpses of the remaining seven will be sold on eBay to earn money for the winner's college fun (or more plastic surgery for the mother). Who will survive the Octagon?! Coming soon to pay-per-view.

Seriously, this is such a non-issue. Just let the woman quietly ruin the lives of her children in peace and don't pay any more attention to her.

-- Post From My iPhone

Mailbox V. Car

2009-02-13T13:52:00.001-08:00

Last night Leslie and I were at the home, minding our own business when all of the sudden Leslie heard a loud bang outside. She didn't think anything of it.

Today when I was getting home from work I noticed a strangely shaped object in the street in front of our mailbox. I was surprised to see when I got closer it was a car's side view mirror.

You see, Leslie and I have a landlord who's not afraid to drop some cash on a top of the line mailbox. Our box, by Fort Know Mailboxes is made of a 1/4 inch of adamantium (okay, steel) and has a post that is buried deep into the Earth's core (okay, just a foot or so). It could probably could withstand a head-on collision with a '87 Honda Accord. Or at least the side view mirror of one random white car.

The scene of the crime

Close up of where the mirror hit

I turned the mirror over and you can see where it hit the mailbox

Home

2009-02-08T14:55:00.001-08:00

Leslie and are are in Orlando for the weekend for her cousin's wedding shower. It's a brief trip; just Friday to Sunday.

While Leslie and her mother went to the shower, I went out for coffee with our friend Kevin. Kevin was the guy that married Leslie and I. He's doing great, and I had no idea how much I missed him. After Kevin and I parted ways I immediately began to to wish I was living back in Orlando. We left behind a few great friendships when we moved to Atlanta. Kevin revealed that he and his girlfriend have plans to move to Gainsville in the Fall, so even if we moved back he wouldn't be here. And who's to say if all of our Orlando friends are planning on staying here anyway?

What is it with people and their inability to stay on one place. Yes, yes, I am guilty of my fair share of moving as well.

Whenever I return someplace I haven't been in a while I start to remember all the good times and wish I could stay. This happens mostly in Orlando and in Connecticut Why is it harder to recall the miserable aspects? Like how in Orlando I would sweat profusely just from walking to the car? Or how I can't go to the mall near my hometown without bumping into half my high school graduating class.

Driving back to my in-laws house I began to get sad when I realized I don't really know where my home is any more. I mean, in all honesty, my home is wherever Leslie is, but I can't decide what specific part of the country is most dear to me. If something were to happen to me and Leslie had to bury me, where would she do it? Or where would be the best place to scatter my ashes? I guess it's more the people then the places that I miss. Maybe I should have myself dismembered and everyone can have a piece. Hmm, I wonder if I can manage to make this post a bit more morbid.

I meant what I said earlier: Leslie is my home. I don't care what happens to me when I'm gone, but while I'm here I'm going to enjoy it. And even though I don't get to see my friends and family as much as I like, the times I do see them are always special.

What is a home anyway? A place? A person? A memory? Damned if I know. I may never know. I guess part of the journey is finding out.

-- Post From My iPhone

The Ballad of Sham Wow!

2009-01-25T09:21:00.000-08:00

The other day Leslie and I were at the store and our curiosity overtook us and we decided to purchase a Sham Wow pack. I am here to warn you all not to be duped like we were. There is more of an emphasis on the 'SHAM' then the 'WOW'.

PRICKERS IN 2012!

2009-01-18T08:55:00.001-08:00

Getting Old(er)

2009-01-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I'll be turning 29. One year away from the "dirty thirty". I don't think I'm getting that "I feel old" vibe like many of my friends do. I'm okay with the number. I don't mind getting older, but I refuse to grow up. The difference between little kid J.P. and adult J.P. is the paycheck. I still buy Star Wars toys and comics, but I also buy ottoman's and electric toothbrushes. In one of my columns for Komic Sutra where I lamented about getting older and acting more mature, I compared buying a new car to a, "...more expensive addition to my collection of adult stuff." Now instead of a Darth Vader statue or a video game system, I find myself saving for a house. Adults are nerds of a different nature; you're still accumulating mostly useless items that matter to no one but yourself. My comic library is about as uninteresting to you as your new lawnmower is to me.

Leslie and I went out to Pottery Barn on New Years and dropped a bunch of cash on a new entertainment center. It houses all of our video games and our powerhouse television. It's kind of an immature adult purchase. And if I had my way I would fill the empty shelves with action figures. This is my balance between childhood and adulthood.

Sometimes I get sad when I see myself making more adult decisions. Trading in chocolate milk for Cinnamon Dolce Latte with not-fat and no whip. Being a kid was just so much easier. I didn't care about the economy or politics. My biggest concern was whatever toy was advertised on TV last and how soon could you get me to Toys R Us. Even though I'm going through the motions, I still can't help but feel like a kid playing adult. I do things not because they seem like the best choice, but because it seems like something an adult would do.

One thing I never hope to lose touch with is that sense of wonder that kids look at everything with. Every day should still hold a new adventure and new experiences.

As for having kids ourselves, the tried and true sign of adulthood, there are no plans thus far. And truthfully, that decision is totally up to Leslie. If she wants to that's fine, if she doesn't want to I'm okay with that too. Sometimes I think this world is so crappy, who would ever want to bring a child into it. And then sometimes I think that there are so many kids out there without parents if anything we should adopt. The self-loathing part of me thinks my genes don't offer anything much to an offspring. Leslie on the other hand is brilliant and would no doubt make an incredible descendant.

And please don't think I didn't notice that I differentiate the age groups solely on what purchases they make. There's obviously much more to it then that. It's no secret that I can be pretty materialistic. That's something that hasn't changed in me since I was a kid. Hopefully that is proof that I'll never fully grow up.

My Top 10 Albums of the Year

2009-01-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

I know, not very original. Even my mother has posted a list of her Top 10 albums of the year. What's a fanboy to do? I can't be left behind! I need to follow the trends. So without further ado, here is my list of my ten favorite albums in 2008.

10. MC Chris - MC Chris is Dead
9. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
8. Mountain Goats - Heretic Pride
7. Does It Offend You Yeah? - You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into
6. Girl Talk - Feed the Animals
5. Born Ruffians - Red Yellow & Blue
4. Conor Oberst - Conor Oberst
3. Los Campesinos! - Hold On Now, Youngster...
2. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
1. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

I really thought that Vampire Weekend's album was going to take the number one spot, but I really fell head over iPod for the newest Hold Steady. It doesn't hurt that we also got to see them live twice this year. I'm also totally in love with Los Campesinos! who released two full length albums this year.

Other honorable mentions include Bon Iver - For Emma Forever Ago (even if it is a bit overrated), Titus Andronicus - The Airing of Grievances, T.I. - Paper Trail (representing the ATL), the other Los Campesinos! album, We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed.

It was a pretty good year for music. A handful of awesome debuts, and a few new albums from a few old favorites. I hope we can expect the same in 2009.

There and back again...

2008-12-26T02:27:00.001-08:00

I'm at a gate in the Orlando airport. I'm over an hour early which is customary for savy travellers. Not really looking forward to this trip. On top of the typical awkwardness that comes with being around my family, there will also be my grandmother's funeral.

The airport, like most others, is a haven for scum and villany. There is a mother changing her baby's diaper five feet from me. Another future passenger-mate has a small dog which is never a good thing on a plane. This is going to be bad.

I also get motion sickness pretty easily. Leslie typically forces a couple Dramamine down my throat at this point but since she's not here I'm not going to subject myself to that. Haven't quite pinpointed what makes me sick. I haven't eaten anything yet today and I don't plan to until I arrive in Connecticut. Hopefully that will be enough.

I'm posting this from my iPhone with a new app I'm trying out, so my appologies for the myriad of spelling and grammar errors.

There is a queasy feeling in my stomach and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's hunger. Or guilt. Or anxiety about the flight. Maybe my body so used to this routine that my motion sickness has begun before I've even left the ground. I guess I'll find out in a couple hours.

Worst. Day. Ever.

2008-12-20T04:25:00.000-08:00

There are bad days, and then there are really bad days, and then there are days that you don't know how you'll make it to the end of. That is the kind of day I had yesterday.

My grandmother suffered a stroke a year and a half ago. Since then she's been paralyzed on half of her body and unable to leave her bed. My mother put her in a home so she could have constant care. Recently she took a turn for the worse and the doctors said it was only a matter of time before she passed. So I decided I wanted to get up there this weekend and see her so I could say goodbye.

This really couldn't happen have happened at a worse time. Christmas is less than a week a away and we're low on fund because of shopping for gifts, and the dog had to have surgery last week which cost over $400. Obviously seeing a loved one in their final days takes priority over all else and that's how I knew I had to go. So Leslie went on-line and found the best tickets she could from Atlanta to Hartford. Unfortunately, each way there would be a layover.

Then word started to come in about the impending snow storm in Connecticut. My mother called me on Thursday and said she was worried about me coming up. The way I looked at it, I would spend all of Friday trying to get up there. I didn't care what I had to do, I was going to Connecticut to see my grandmother.

Friday comes and I'm on the plane to Charlotte for my first layover. So far so good. I talked to my sister after I landed and she said the snowing hadn't started yet, and so far my flight was unchanged. No problem. Then the announcement came that the flight was canceled. So I got in line at the terminal to see what was the next possible flight I could get on. They got me a ticket on the 7:45pm. It was not even 11am. This was going to be a long day. After talking to Leslie, she insisted that the FAA website said the Hartford airport was still taking flights and I should push to get on another airline. So I got in line for special services to see what could be done.

I've been in my share of long lines in my time, and we lived in the land of theme parks for a while, so I've been training for long lines for a while now, but the US Airway Special Services line is the mother of all lines. It would be two and a half hours before I reached the end of it. And not before receiving tragic news.

While in line I talked to my sister and Leslie and a couple co-workers just to keep busy. Everyone knew I was stuck at the airport, so I wasn't surprised when a call came through from my mother. Unfortunately, the she had news that I hadn't expected. My grandmother had died earlier that morning. I felt my heart sink in my chest. "Hold it together," I thought. I didn't want to start crying and become a giant mess in the midst of a bunch of strangers.

Suddenly my entire day had been altered. Was I still going to come, she wanted to know? Could I possibly go back to Atlanta? "There is going to be a service next weekend so maybe it would be best you just came up then," she suggested. I couldn't focus on anything. The wind was knocked out of me and the least of my concerns was airplane flights. I had missed my chance to say goodbye to my grandmother.

Leslie later insisted I did all I could, but did I? She's been in the hospital for a year and a half and I selfishly avoided going to see her. When my grandfather died a two years ago, the last time I saw my grandmother, she didn't even recognize me and that really broke my heart. I didn't want to replay that. I guess I figured I'd see her at some point. I guess I figured I'd have more time. Maybe I should have dropped what I was doing and gone up there two weeks ago when my mother told me she stopped eating? I know there is no point kicking myself about it now, but this is very similar to what happened with my grandfather. I never got to say goodbye, and I've been haunted with guilt ever since.

Standing there in the special services line it was necessary for me to switch gears from emotional to practical. After a handful of phone calls the decision was reached that I would return to Atlanta and fly up to CT the following weekend for the service. Unknown to me at the time, many flights into Atlanta were being canceled and delayed from being held up in the northeast. The next flight into Atlanta was 8:40pm and I got on standby for the 5:20pm and that was really the best that could be done and I'd just have to deal with it.

So I spent the day in the airport. I managed to keep it together and focus more on my hatred for airports and less on the loss my grandmother. I managed to get onto the standby flight which didn't end up departing until around 7pm.

Leslie met me at the airport in Atlanta, but before getting into a shouting match with an airport worker which ended with her shouting "MERRY-FUCKING-CHRISTMAS!" I flew to North Carolina to spend a day in their airport and fly back. 13 hours and who knows how much money wasted. All for nothing.

In the end, despite having what will go down as one of my worst days, life still manages to throw something at me that's worth smiling about:

In-Law Invasion: Thanksgiving Edition

2008-11-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

We have been preparing for Leslie's family for months now. This wasn't one of those situations where the event snuck up on us, oh no. We have been carefully planning each day with cleaning and shopping. For Thanksgiving we would be joined by Leslie's mother, Leslie's step-father (who I call her father because he's closer then a step), Leslie's grandmother (who's street name is Grannie) and their incontinent bichon Dodger. When the expected day of arrival was upon us we were ready.

Or so we thought.

The original plan was that the fam would arrive sometime the day before Thanksgiving. However we received a call from Leslie's mother that threw us for a loop. Rather then leave Wednesday morning, my father in-law decided they would leave at midnight, late on Tuesday night, to arrive early Wednesday. Fine, we lose a few hours of preparation on Wednesday, but we'd get more time with them. All that we requested was that they call when they hit Atlanta, however early that might be.

I wake up at 5:30 every morning for work (I know, my life's a hell). So I was showered and in the process of doing my hair when I hear the storm door open. "No. They wouldn't," I thought to myself. Then I hear a knock at the door. I run out of the bathroom, hands gooey with gel, the dog barking like crazy, the cats fleeing for cover, and open the front door. There on my front porch are my four in-laws (yes, I'm counting the dog as an in-law) waving at me. At 6:30 in the morning.

That was yesterday. Today is obviously Thankgiving. Leslie and her mother are in the kitchen swearing at the turkey and I'm in the living room with the rest of the family watching the Macy's parade over the lap top as I write this.

I think the animals are a bit upset with all of the stuff going on. So far Dodger has pissed on a kitchen rug, Friday vomited on her bed at 6 AM, and Zam has puked in the hall way and on the living room carpet. And I know the feeling. It's weird constantly having to remind yourself there are new people in the house. I still have trouble remembering to close the bathroom door.

Leslie says the turkey will be ready around 4, I'll be surprised if we eat before 6.

And I don't mean to make it sound like I'm upset my in-laws are here. I'm actually really excited for have them here. For me it really is something for me to be thankful for. It's not easy to be away from your family for such a big holiday.

Oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving!

United States of Whatever

2008-11-14T13:33:00.001-08:00

I've been working on an Obama victory blog off and on for the past week or so, but at this point it's a bit stale and pointless. And the last thing we need is more 'Rah rah' blogs patting ourselves on the back for a job well done, especially when the election wasn't a total victory. Sure we got our boy in the White House, but there are still a handful of states that don't think gay people should have the right to marry or adopt. And here in the state of Georgia we're having a runoff vote for Senator. So yeah, while I feel like I can join the rest of the country in a collective sigh of relief, we've still got a ways to go.

And will Sarah Palin go back to shooting innocent animals in Alaska and just shut the fuck up? Who the hell cares what she has to say about anything? If I was a member of the GOP I would seriously put a hit on her. She starts every statement or interview about how she won't respond to the negative attacks and then she'll proceed to respond to them in great detail. She's old news. She really thinks she's setting herself up as the new face of the Republican Party. You get this feeling like they can't stand her either, but since she's got the attention of all the 'Joe Six-packs' in the nation everyone is afraid to come right out and call her an idiot. The GOP needs to put a cork in her and spend the next four years regrouping.

Hopefully some good will actually come out of the GOP summit in Miami this week. Don't misunderstand me, I have no problem watching the Republican party crash and burn. I'm not suggesting that I would ever vote for Republican, but it should be in the interest of every American to have both parties operating to their full potential and in the best interest of the nation.

Not that I know anything about anything. I'm a comic nerd who watches CNN for 10 minutes a day at breakfast. And even though I said I wouldn't go on about it, I still wanted to share this:

The Hold Steady in Atlanta

2008-11-02T05:26:00.000-08:00

Last night we were running late for the Hold Steady show. To make matters worse there was a Georgia Tech game which held us up in traffic. We pull up to the club and what do you know, there's no opener. I could hear Craig wailing as we parked the car. The show was at the Tabernacle here in Atlanta. It used to be a House of Blues, to give you a bit of perspective on the size. The only two bands at the show were, of course, The Hold Steady, and the Drive-By Truckers, in what is being called the Rock and Roll Means Well Tour.

We got in the doors a little bit later then we had hoped for and we missed a few songs, but what we saw was amazing. I asked some random guy how much we missed and he said they had been on for maybe 20 minutes. The crowd was into it, and unlike when we saw The Hold Steady in Athens a few months back, this audience was devoid of all frat boys and jocks (who no doubt decided to get drunk at the Georgia Tech game instead). And while there was a good number of people there, the crowd wasn't packed too tightly, so Leslie and I managed to sneak our way into the center for a pretty awesome view.

They played a few favorites, such as Chips Ahoy! and Stuck Between Stations, as well as a handful of the songs from the new album. They still didn't play a couple songs I've been dying to hear them play live like Cattle and the Creeping Things. I'm trying to find a set list on-line to see what songs we missed, but I'm guessing we missed Constructive Summer which is a shame. It felt like the set was a bit short, no doubt because we missed a chunk at the beginning. It sucks that they were the opening act for this portion of the tour, but I guess Drive-By Truckers is the bigger of the two bands in the South. One of the members of Drive-By came out to sing a song with The Hold Steady, and it was hilarious because he barely knew any of the words. Because of the abbreviated set Craig Finn didn't do his hackneyed closing statement about how much the band loves playing on stage and how important the fans are, so that was refreshing.

Overall it was a great night. We got to see what was arguably a more enjoyable performance then the Athens show, even if it was significantly shorter. I picked up an new Hold Steady shirt, we left before Drive-By even came on, and home in time for a couple rounds of Guitar Hero World Tour and before bed.

I can understand why people like Sarah Palin

2008-10-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

After having a sinister mastermind like Dick Cheney in the White House, I can understand why it might be comforting to some to have a vice president that's a complete idiot.

Some art stuff I like

2008-10-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

From time to time I would like to share an artist that I like. Today I will share Sandow Birk. Brik does parodies of classic works. I discovered Birk from his work on Dante's Inferno. Birk took the classic images created by the great Gustav Dore and put a updated spin on them. as seen below:

In the original piece we have Dante and Virgil descending into the depths of Hell. In Birk's piece, the two authors gaze down at Los Angeles. Simply brilliant.

Be sure to check out Sandow Birk's site for more beautiful art.

And just because he's the man, here are a couple pieces from James Jean.

The Great Schlep

2008-10-19T07:57:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not Jewish, but I still think this is brilliant.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

The Hiatus Continues

2008-10-18T04:51:00.000-07:00

Day 18 of the Great October Music Ban. The iTunes playlist is slowly getting whittled down, but I definitely won't have it finished by the end of the month. I still have 2213 songs to go. There hasn't been too many of the moments where I kick myself for not having listened to something sooner. I was really hoping to have my socks blown off on an hourly basis here. There's only been some mild cheating. I picked up a couple free digital download cards from Starbucks and I downloaded the songs, but the only reason I did was to try my hand at iTunes on my iPhone. I didn't listen to either song all the way through. I also downloaded a four track Mountain Goats EP because I was nervous it would only be available for a limited time. Oh, and some guy posted the two new Decemberists singles on his blog, and it's only a matter of time until he's forced to take them down. However I have not listened to any of the stuff yet, and won't until November.

I'm finally hitting that point where I don't search out meaningless purchases. Typically I would troll Pitchfork or go straight to the music review sections of Entertainment Weekly or Paste. Or maybe it's just that I've been considering my purchases more carefully. Or maybe it's just that when I do find myself peeking there hasn't been anything that interesting. I do have a list of music to investigate come November 1st though. Mostly compiled from listening to the NPR podcast All Songs Considered.

It's been good though. It's a project. It's something to do. It's a bit daunting, and the fact that I won't complete it is a bummer. I haven't had any opportunities to go back and re-examine things like I hoped because I'm too busy listening to the new stuff still. And there are times that I feel like I'm just listening to some of the stuff so I can check one more song off of the playlist and I'm not really giving it a chance at all. Well, at least I'm trying. Sort of.

There are too many new albums coming out I want in the next couple of months, it's unlikely I will extend the project. Probably after Christmas.

The Great Pumpkin

2008-10-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

Ah, Fall. A magical time of year. I can finally wear pants outside without my gentlemen parts becoming a sweaty mess, spider season is coming to an end so I no longer have to wave my hands in front of me like an idiot everwhere I go, and the impending doom known as Christmas is right around the corner. In the spirit of this colorful season, this past weekend Leslie and I drove up to Dawsonville, Georgia to visit a pumpkin patch. It's simple pleasures like pumpkin patches that I often take for granted as an ex-New Englander, forgetting that Leslie has never experienced such things growing up in Orlando.

The pumpkin patch was at Burt's Farm, about an hour and a half or so from Atlanta. We spent a good hour walking around the patch, marveling at all the different kinds of pumpkins that we never knew existed. $70 and heavy wheelbarrow later we wrapped it up. Overall it was a really great trip.

What I didn't expect was that Leslie and I would be what I have dubbed as, 'geographically profiled.'

When we first got to Dawsonville, we were concerned the patch might not take cards so we decided to stop at a gas station for some cash. I went into the station and asked where the ATM was only to find it was down. So we went across the street to another station. As I was walking in the employee was putting an 'Out of Order' sign on their ATM. Frustrated, I asked the cashier if I were to buy something could I get cash back. She looked at me frustrated and replied, "No sir, we're outdated," in a not-so-pleasant Southern twang.

Later in the afternoon when we were leaving the patch we stopped at a bait and tackle shop for some lunch. We looked around the shop, which was about the size of our bathroom, and ordered a couple hot dogs. When the cashier rung us up Leslie was surprised how inexpensive it was and remarked, "$4.50? That's it?" to which the cashier replied, "Yup. This ain't Atlanta! Yuk! Yuk!"

I really got the impression that these folks were thinking, "You f_cking city folk, only coming around for your f_cking pumpkins." I guess wearing my shorts and a t-shirt and driving a Honda kind of gave us away as anything but local. It was humorous that we got pegged right away in town. I'm sure this the time of year for having lots of loud and bousterous strangers in town, but it's not like Leslie and I are from New York City and we went to the deep South. These people live an hour away from the major metropolitan area we call our home!

It's cool though. I'm more then happy to have them stare down their nose at me while I take advantage of their agricultural superiority. They get my money, I get their pumpkins. Seems like a fair trade.

A List of Words I Never Want to Hear Ever Again

2008-10-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Maverick
Earmark
Pork Barrel
Bailout
Tax Cuts
Fannie
Partisan
Wall Street
Offshore Drilling
My Friends
Alternative Energy
Fundamental
Hockey
Lipstick
Pallin' Around with Terrorists
Moose Dresser
Liberal Media
Bridge to Nowhere
Surge
Updated on 10/14 with recommendations from my pal John

I probably should have probably named this 'Words and Phrases'. Oh well.

Expect updates...

Playcount is 0

2008-10-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

There are so many awesome features that Apple offers via iTunes and your iPod. One of my favorites are Smart Playlists. You can go into iTunes, set a couple parameters, and iTunes will create a playlist based on your specifications. For instance, say you want a playlist of just albums that came out in 2008, just plug it in there and booyah! It will also automatically update whenever the items in your library change, such as music added or dates they were added, etc. And there are tons of parameters to choose from.

Being that I'm on a mission to listen to all of my unheard music, I made a Smart Playlist to include anything in my iTunes library that I haven't listened to yet. It went to work and put together a play list of 2613 songs. At an average of 10 songs an album, that's over 260 albums worth of songs that I haven't even listened to! Do you see how this has become a problem?!

Most of the unheard music is stuff that was given to me from other folks. It's not like I buy CD and load it into iTunes and forget about it. When someone hands you a dozen albums all at once it's not uncommon for a couple to slip through the cracks. However 260 albums slipping through the cracks is a bit much. There are a few albums i just haven't listened to in their entirety. Some of the albums I've listened to tons of times on CD but since getting added to my iPod have gone unheard.

Day two without searching for new music.

1 Step Program

2008-09-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name is J.P. and I'm addicted to music.

Okay so it's not an addiction really, perhaps more of a compulsion. I buy large quantities of music. I suppose I should say I "procure" large quantities of music. That isn't to say that I pirate music, I haven't done that for years. I buy a bunch and then I also get a lot from my friends. The sad truth is, I get more music then I could possibly listen to. I have an insatiable hunger for new music. I'm like Galactus, except for music!

I don't know what it is. Sometimes I wonder if I feel like so much music came out before I was really getting into music that I don't want anything to slip past me now. However there's so much music coming out at any given time it's impossible to find all of the good stuff. It's like trying to catch a waterfall in a tea cup. I listen to whatever I can get my ears on, but sometimes I give something just a quick once over and if it doesn't grab me then I immediately move on to something else. Often times I will end up going back to something I whizzed past and falling in love with it, which I probably would have had I given it the attention it deserved in the first place.

Is it perhaps my need to identify with a culture of net nerds and hipsters so I feel like I am resisting the alluring pull of mainstream music? I pride myself with listening to a fair share of independent bands. Don't get me wrong, I'll be doing cartwheels around the backyard when the new Fall Out Boy album comes out in November, but I like mostly indie stuff. A couple obscure things here, but nothing that you probably wouldn't read about on Pitchfork or sometimes even in Entertainment Weekly. But any time something is recommended to me or gets a decent review from some pretentious reviewer I pretty much have to own it.

I seriously have enough music to occupy any normal person for a very long time. According to my iTunes library, I have over 32 days worth of music. Sure, that's not all on my iPod, but I still have it available to me.

So I'm going to try an experiment. I am not going to get any new music for the month of October. That means I'm not going to download, buy, or borrow any new music for one entire month. I sometimes feel like I have to get stuff right away or else I'll miss out but the truth is that in most cases it will be readily available whenever I want it. This isn't just a money thing though; this also applies to any free albums on-line I might stumble upon. I have so much stuff I either haven't listened to yet, or haven't properly chewed and digested it yet.

I know this task hardly presents a challenge for most people, but for me this is going to be tough. It's concert season, so there are bound to be a few new albums coming out. I also receive my bonus this week, and because of the way the weeks fall we're going to get paid thrice this month. The odds are against me here!

There are a couple conditions of course. If there is anything coming out in a limited quantity and I will miss out, then I will be forced to act. For instance, I know already that the new Los Campesinos! album is coming out next month and it has a limited print run, so I will have to purchase that when it becomes available. However, even if the need arises to make a purchase like this, I will not listen to it until the end of the month.

This experiment also doesn't apply to podcasts.

Today is September 29th. I have until midnight tomorrow night to get my fill of new music for an entire month. All music mailed, handed or e-mailed to me must be post marked September 30th or else they will go unheard until November 1st.

Wish me luck my friends!

Birthday Prank

2008-09-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

It was my buyer's birthday last week so a prank was in order. Check it out:

Hail to the king baby.

2008-09-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Every now and then something happens in the world and you are convinced that this single event has occurred to make your life better. I don't mean you in general, I mean you as in you.

For me, this is one of those times:

New T-Shirt Design

2008-09-12T19:01:00.001-07:00

For those that care, I've submitted another t-shirt design to Threadless.com. This time I'm going to go through their critiquing process rather than jump head first into my design and be crushed when it doesn't get accepted. Please stop by and offer up some input if you get a second. You can see my design here.

And in this corner: Governor Sarah Palin!

2008-08-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

Like many of you, I was at work when John McCain announced his VP choice on Friday, so I didn't get to see the news conference. I decided to search for the speech online. Here it is for those of you that might have missed it.

My fellow Americans. I come to you today with news the world has been waiting for; I have chosen my running mate for the 2008 Presidential Election. And guess, what: it's a woman! Come on out here Governor Sarah Palin! Yes my friends, the Democrats aren't the only party with a feisty dame in politics. Nevermind that she has no foreign policy experience. Just look at her? She's hot! She's so much hotter than Hilary!

My democrat friends, I know many of you are feeling alienated by your party. After all of your hard work and dedication to Senator Clinton, you feel like you've been left out in the cold in favor of this brass rock star. Well have I got a treat for all of you. If you thought you liked Hilary, you'll love Governor Palin. She's got breasts and a vagina just like Hilary! Nevermind the fact that she probably would disagree with Hilary on every issue that's important to you and even called her a whiner.

Yes Governor Palin thinks creationism should be taught in school, yes she doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change, and yes I had only met her once before picking her for my VP, but come on, check out that rack, eh? She even makes Cindy jealous! And please, do not worry that Governor Palin is unsure of what a the duties of a Vice President are, come November she'll know exactly what is expected of her.

For critics that would say this is a cheap attempt to pandering to Democratic voters, I would like to remind you that when I was a POW we didn't have luxuries like women. I spent many nights in the arms of my fellow POWs waiting for a day to lead this fine nation, and with Governor Palin at my side this might finally be my chance.

My fellow Americans, on November 4th make the right choice when you enter that voting booth. No, you won't be able to vote for Hilary, but this is almost just as good!

5's a Crowd

2008-08-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sigh. It's happened again. We've fallen in love with a cat.

There is a Pet Smart not far from our house. We seem to end up there once a week so Leslie can buy something for her fish. Typically she'll poke around in the store and I'll walk to the Toys R Us next door. After a few minutes in the toys aisles, and being disgusted with their crappy Star Wars display, I'll retrieve Leslie from Pet Smart before she attempts to purchase a 10 gallon tank.

After a few minutes in Pet Smart together we typically make out way to the pet adoption section. There they have a pretty little cat named Sylvia. It's a simple black and white cat, but when you pet her she quickly falls in love with you, as I'm sure she does with everyone that goes in there. However, this 3 year old cat is having trouble getting adopted in a sea of adorable kittens. She's been there for going on two months now. And we feel awful about that.

Truthfully, we probably would have swept up the cat a month ago, but on her little information card it says she has dominant issues with other female cats. Being the our female cat Zam doesn't try to assert dominance over anything, we wonder if it's possible to incorporate the cat into our home. Then of course the realization that we'd then become a four cat, one dog, and two fish family, and that's a lot. I know the fish don't usually count as pets in most homes, but in our house they require the most upkeep. Christ, the idea of cleaning a four cat litter box alone makes me squirm.

I don't know what we're going to do here. Leslie's going to contact the agency and see if they'll let us give the cat a trail run. More news to follow.

Gum ball of DOOM!

2008-08-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

Leslie and I went to the mall tonight. She wanted to pick up some jeans. As we near her store I figured I would delay the inevitable boredom and check out the gum ball stand. The colorful orbs called to me from their glass prisons, begging to be released and chewed on until their flavor was gone. I fished a quarter from my pocket and circled the stand, deciding which flavor was best, knowing full well whatever I would probably not taste like what the makers intended. I settled on the banana strawberry gum ball.

As you might imagine, it tasted like crap. I may as well have wadded up a piece of paper and dipped it in surgery water. But whatever, it was serving it's purpose. Until I noticed I was having trouble chewing it. I suddenly noticed it was sticking to one of my top molars. "That's odd," I thought as I worked the wad away with my tongue. It was then I realized the gum had adhered to one of my fillings. I just got my fillings a couple years ago so they're the fancy white ones and not the dark silver jobs I had growing up. As I forced the gum to the other side of my mouth, I suddenly remembered the filling in the same place on the opposite side. Of course it was already too late. I sat in the husband chair in the fitting room picking the neon colored gum from my teeth, cursing the manufactures and pledging my revenge. The whole way home I tried to free the little sticky piece with my tongue but to no avail. When we got home I went to work with my fancy electric toothbrush, and that got most of it, but I can still feel some of it back there, and I see some flossing in my future.

How ridiculous this whole situation was. I got depressed at the realization that I'm only 28 and I already need to worry about foods sticking to my dental work. Isn't that the kind of think seniors are concerned with? you can't really see it in the photo, but it's there, and what little is there is enough to cause a huge annoyance. And why does the roof of my mouth look like an alien?

Sigh. I need a cupcake.

The Clone Bores

2008-08-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone that knows me what I like and chances are Star Wars will be one of the first things they say. I grew up watching the original three films, or the Holy Trilogy as they're referred to in our house. At a very young age George Lucas had a tight grip on my heart, and my parents' wallets. When it was announced that the new animated Clone Wars was going to grace the big screen, I was all a tingle in my gentlemen parts.

The more I saw the trailers and read the reviews, the more worried I became about this film. It certainly didn't have the media blitz attached to it you'd expect from a Star Wars film; I suppose Warner Brothers also wasn't expecting much from the film.

Entertainment Weekly gave the film an F and said George Lucas is becoming, "the enemy of fun." I tried to hide the issue of the magazine from Leslie but unfortunately she found it. The New York Times said, "this new “Star Wars” saga (II.5?) completes the franchise’s divorce from photography-based cinema, as well as from any relationship to credible human feeling."

Doubt began to set in amongst the household. Even Prickers was seen sulking in the corner, a Clone Trooper tucked tightly in his paws. Everyone was turning against me, but like a Jedi facing the Sith, I would not be deterred. I had to see this movie. So I forced Leslie into the car and locked the door, and we went to the theater.Sadly, the world was right. The movie was pretty damn bad. I have defended the Star Wars films since the prequels started coming out, and I still stand behind my claim that Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is an amazing film. But this? This is just garbage. This film should have never happened. Not only is this film an insult to Star Wars nerds everywhere, it's an affront to anyone with a working set of eyes and ears.

The plot centers around a boring adventure of Mannequin Skywalker and padawan, Miley Cyrus. Jabba the Hutt's son is kidnapped and these two plucky Jedi are charged with his rescue. Along the way they encounter Sith, bumbling robots, and a baby Hutt that likes to burp. Sorry kids, no grown men getting kicked in the balls. There is also no explanation as to how this film fits into the existing Star Wars continuity. I mean, Episode III takes place after this, and Anakin's new padawan Ahsoka is no where to be found in that film. I'm pretty sure there is more Clone Wars to take place after this, but who really cares.

I really feel like the film makers decided to put out this contrived nugget of disappointment realizing that it would be a blockbuster regardless of how awful it was, and sadly they'll be right. The theater wasn't that full, but those that were there had little kids with them, who were definitely the target audience of this film.

If nothing else the film looked pretty. They could have taken the boring route and just made them look real, but instead they gave the characters a unique style. Sadly, the studio hardly holds a candle to seasoned computer generated filmmakers such as Pixar.

So yeah, this was a big bummer for me. I hope we can expect better things from the live action Star Wars series that's planned to come out in the future. Avoid unless you are under the age of ten.

The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me

2008-08-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many blogs have started with that very same title. Who the hell has time for originality any more.

Last weekend Leslie and I traveled to Athens, Georgia to see The Hold Steady. We had never been to Athens before, and The Hold Steady was playing there on a Saturday, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to go up there for the weekend. They were performing at the 40 Watt Club, famously known for being the starting point for R.E.M.

Athens is pretty cool, but much smaller than I had anticipated. It's a college town, and being that the semester hasn't started yet, the town was relatively dead. There were a couple cool shops. There were not one, but two indie record shops, and there was a comic book store that looked like it had gone through an earthquake moments before we got there.

But if you're reading this post you probably don't really care about Athens, and you want me to get right to the good stuff: the show.

Leslie and I have been fans of The Hold Steady for a little while now. We missed two other opportunities to see them because they were in town when we weren't, so there was no way we were going to miss this show. This time they would not escape our grasp!

The show wasn't as packed as I feared it would be. the 40 Watt is probably the smallest venue I've been to in Georgia. It reminded me of the smaller clubs I went to in Connecticut. The opening act was The Loved Ones, who we had seen open for NOFX a few years back. They remain refreshingly mediocre.

The Hold Steady hit the stage and nary a hipster wasn't on their feet and ready for the performance of their lives. Lucky for all of us Craig Finn and co. didn't disappoint. It was the greatest shows I had seen in a while. They played a ton of my favorites and a few songs I had never heard before. It would be difficult for me to pick a highlight from the night. The setlist included Stuck Between Stations, Chips Ahoy!, Stay Positive, The Swish, and Ask Her for Aderall, just to name a few. There are some pretty great 'Woah's in Slapped Actress and the entire audience chimed in to sing along with the band. They played two encores!

You really get this feeling that The Hold Steady are in touch with their fans. They act like they're more of fans then musicians themselves. They knew what songs people would like to hear, and slipping three B-sides into the act certainly is a way to pander to the diehard fans in the crowd.

Leslie was kind enough to snag one of the posters off of the wall of the club for me. It was just a simple gig poster, the kind we saw hanging up all over the city and someone had Sharpied the date of the show at the blank space in the bottom. I proudly hung the poster in my cubicle in office as soon as I got to work on Monday morning.

It was a pretty awesome show. I give them my highest possible recommendation if they come to your town. and if they do, be sure to give me a call and see if I'm busy that night.

My Shirt Design Was Accepted!

2008-07-31T16:47:00.001-07:00

However, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to get printed. Please click on the link below, click that you would buy it as a shirt and a print, and then hit 5.

I know I should be excited that it even made it this far, and I am. After reading the long list of responses I could expect if they didn't accept it, making it this far is quite a triumph. But now I want it all. Sure, the money would be nice, but I want to know that I made something that people liked and it's going to be made and distributed. Hipsters across the globe will see my design and want it. People I've never even met will be wearing something that I pretty much put on them.

This is my first step on my quest for world domination.

Threadless T-Shirts

2008-07-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

So after hours of painstaking work, and hours of Leslie getting frustrated because I don't know how to use Photoshop, I have successfully submitted a design for Threadless.

Threadless is a t-shirt shop in Chicago that I was introduced to by my dear friends Angie and John. They also accept submissions for t-shirts. So I put something together and sent it off.

You can see the status of my design here:

Once it gets approved, I will need everyone to go and vote for me!!!

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm really proud of how it turned out, and I really feel my design fits the kind of stuff they do on the site. Some of the other designs up just don't really go with the style of the shirts the site offers. I don't know, maybe I just have a bit head, but I really think I have a shot. And I've always felt that if you get paid for art that you've created, that officially makes you an artist. So somehow if I pull this off I feel as if it would validate all the claims I've been making in my head for many years now. That and I would love some free t-shirts!

The Dark Knight

2008-07-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

Wow. Seriously, wow. This film is deserving of all the hype it's been getting. It really is one of the best superhero films in years. Brilliantly written and performed, this will be remembered as one of the best comic book films ever made, by far the best Batman movie ever. This film proves that comic book movies can be taken seriously and be recognized not just as giant blockbusters, but as art.

There were so many things that I loved about this film. Like nearly ever Batman film since Tim Burton's first Batman, they decided to put two villains into the story. Typically this makes things a bit too over the top and you fall into the typical corny, rehashed story where the villains turn on each other or something like that. However it works in this film on so many levels. I knew Harvey Dent was going to turn into Two Face, but I wasn't sure when in the story it was going to happen to him, if at all. I was expecting it to happen at the end and lead into the third film. This was so much better than that.

I really enjoyed the Spider-man and the X-Men films, and Iron Man is a welcome member to the family. However those all feel very grounded in a different, more fantastic word. The only thing that removes The Dark Knight from the real world to me is Batman's technology, which could all one day be real. In the first one the Scarecrow's fear toxin is a bit of a stretch, but with this one you don't feel that way.

I was worried that I was going to keep getting taken out of the film by the presence of Heath Ledger. I didn't want to get too distracted when remembering that the guy is dead now. However, I still have trouble looking at the Joker in the movie and understanding it's Ledger behind the greasepaint. His performance is so demented it's not nothing else that he had ever done. This would have opened up so many doors for him. This film serves for him as his swan song.

As far as how they wrote the Joker, they did an excellent job. He's a brilliant character who is so much more psychotic then Jack Nicholson portrayed him in the first Batman film. He is every serial killer and mad man rolled into one. He's more scary than funny, and when he is funny, it's even more scary. The disappearing pencil bit is a perfect example (and one of my favorite parts of the movie I might add!).

Just a couple minor details I didn't like about the film. I'm a big Batman fan and the Joker has always been one of my favorite villains. I think Heath Ledger truly understood the character. However, as sick and twisted as they managed to make him, he wasn't particularly funny. I kept waiting for that one token Joker joke. Nothing too poignant or silly, just a little anecdote to remind viewers, "This guy's f_cking nuts!".

Another thing that bugs me is Christian Bales Batman voice. For those of you that didn't know, Bale is English and suppresses his accent for most American films. When he puts on the cape and cowl, he changes his voice to a whispery thing, probably so people that know Bruce Wayne don't recognize him. However when Bale does this voice it sounds like his trying not to sneeze, and it was very distracting to me.

But those are two minor details in a nearly flawless film.

Do yourself a favor and go see this movie. The Dark Knight is one of the riskiest film I've seen in a while, it is the best movie of the summer if not the year.

Home-town Hero Gone Sour

2008-07-06T12:38:00.001-07:00

We're in Connecticut for the wedding of our dear friends Angie and John. The wedding was Saturday night in Mystic. We really had an amazing time. The food was good, the music was fantastic, and the company was second to none. I love my family, but I still stand behind the statement that our friends are the best friends in the world. More on the wedding later.

Of course no trip to CT would be complete without the obligatory visits to the parental units. So far most of our time has been spent with my father and step mother in Bridgeport, from where I'm writing this. We're going to New York tomorrow for a couple days and then we'll return and spend a few days with my mother. My mother still lives in West Haven, in the very house I grew up in. Being in West Haven fills me with anxiety. For some reason I am terrified to bump into people from high school. For the most part I don't really care for the majority of the folks in my graduating class, and with a couple of exceptions, I keep in touch with everyone I care to from West Haven.

So I am filled with dread and fear wherever we go. Every establishment I enter is a potentially awkward encounter with someone from my past life as a Connectican. I don't feel like chatting it up in an aisle at Walgreens feigning interest in how many kids you have now and how your husband/wife is serving in Iraq. I try not to make eye contact with anyone any where I go for fear they might recognize me and I'll be forced to converse with them.

But I'm a realist. I'm not really so conceited to believe that any of my classmates would want be compelled to stop and catch up with me. It's only happened to me a couple times in the handful of visits since I've abondoned the state. However this logic does not compute when I'm out and about. There are a couple folks that would actually make for some REALLY uncomfortable moments. Oh course my life wouldn't come to an end if I bumped into one of these people. I might have a momentary loss of control in my bowels, but after a shower and a quick stop at the laundry mat and I'll be as good as new.

Is it perhaps because I'm not pleased with the direction my life has gone? I have an amazing wife. I have a decent job. I live in a awesome city. However I still haven't completed college, I haven't published anything yet, I haven't had any screenplays made into films. Okay, so that last few are a bit much, but these are the things that go through my mind.

Whatever. People are out there. If I'm meant to bump into them I will. Some of them I will hate, others I will be excited to see, but most will make me flee the scene. The one thing they all have in common is that they all stay here when my vacation ends, and that's all that matters.

Don't call it a comeback

2008-06-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sure many of you will suggest that I've only gone and created this blog because my lovely wife Leslie has found such success here. And you might be partly correct. But this is something I've been meaning to do for a while now. And now it has begun. More to come later...

---end transmission---