A work in progress

I'm kind of weird about my hair. I have been since high school. Cutting it, dying it, whatever. It's the perfect place on the human body to experiment because no matter how badly you screw it up, it will always come back. Well, unless you really screw it up.

The past few years I'd had my hair pretty short. It was kind of a messy spikey deal; some would call it a fauxhawk. It was pretty simple to set up. A little gel and some fancy stuff with the hands and viola, instant hipster. Even though it takes minimal effort to set up it was too fragile. I couldn't touch it without screwing it up. I just hate being that way about my hair.

So I've decided to grow it out.

I've been at it for a couple months now. To say it's at an awkward length would be an understatement. For a while I was just letting the hair fall into its natural part. The problem is that my hair wants to part all the way on the edge of my head. So all of the hair on the top of my head is laying in the same direction. It looks almost like I'm trying to force a comb-over. Or worse yet, like the part is a hinge for my hair, and if you were to grab the lip on the opposite side you could pop open the top of my head and reveal my brain.

There really isn't much I can do with it. It's probably at a perfectly good length for a normal guy, but I'm quite abnormal. To make matters worse I don't really know what I want. In high school I had it to about my chin and the maintenance was pretty mild; much less then when it's short.

What I didn't expect was to have such an audience for endeavor. The majority of which are my co-workers. Mostly the older men, most of which are losing their hair. I didn't realize that I held the hopes and dreams of so many men in my beautiful brown hair. One of the gentlemen at work had not seen me in a week and then when he saw me he was remarked, "Wow, J.P. That hair is really growing out!" Everyday someone has a comment for my head, and being starved for attention I am there and willing to receive it. "Trying something new today?", "What kind of product do you use?", "What, did the cat attack you in your sleep?" I receive all kinds of inquiries.

I'm in a slow and steady race and I have no idea what the finish line looks like. I was reading the new issue of Paste and I noticed I have a very similarly shaped head to Colin Meloy of The Decemberists. Then I noticed that he's got a pretty good look. I mean, I'm not down for that shirt and tie deal all the time, but I can pull of a shaggy haircut as much as the next hipster. I guess that's my temporary goal. I have no idea if it will work out. Please stand by for gratuitious angst.

Things have been pretty mundane lately, so this is just something to do. A project. When people ask me about my hair I say it's a work in progress, which is my way of saying I really don't know.

I'm probably giving this too much though.

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The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love

The Decemberists never shy away from a challenge, and their newest effort, The Hazards of Love is proof of that. The Hazards of Love is the riskiest album in recent memory. It's one continuous song that spans over 17 tracks, but don't you dare call it a rock opera. Originally intended for a stage performance, Decemberists front man Colin Meloy decided piece was better suited for an album. The story focuses on Margaret and William. Margaret is pregnant, and William, her baby daddy, is a shape-shifter who transforms into a fawn during the day. While they try to figure out how to make their strange relationship work William's mother, the queen of the forest, tries her best to keep the two apart. The lyric book reads like a play, with different singers singing different parts.

What's challenging about this album is that it doesn't give the listener a chance to catch their breath. Each track weaves carefully into the next. The problem with that is that the songs could might not work taken out of context of the album. How could they perform any of the songs live without doing all of them? This isn't the kind of album you could listen to on shuffle on your iPod.

Then again, maybe that's exactly what Meloy and company wanted. In an age where music is quick and cheap and reduced to snippets on commercials and ringtones, here is an album that demands to be listened to from beginning to end. Granted they're expecting a lot from their listeners, but that's what makes it so daring. It's a ballsy move to be sure.

What is missing on this album is a couple happier, less morose songs. The most cheerful sounding song on the album is about a widower murders his three children. There's no 'Sporting Life' or 'Valencia', it's all dark and dreary. Sure, a happy, flowery song might seem a bit out of place on this album, but it might provide the listener with a much needed aside.

After having the album for a little over two weeks I'm still conflicted on my opinion of it, and the reviewers certainly aren't helping. Rolling Stone gave the album four out of five stars and called it, "an old–fashioned prog concept record." Entertainment Weekly gave it a D+ and said it, "drowns in convoluted plots, blustery guest vocalists, and comically out-of-place guitar shredding." Pitchfork gave it a 5.7, but they hate everything so that's not too surprising.

I had listened to the ablum about a dozen times I and I still couldn't decide if I liked it or if I thought it was too heavy. So today I decided to sit down and listen to the album in its entirey with the lyrics book handy for the intended effect.

After having listened more carefully and read along with the lyrics it is safe to say that this albums fits in nicely with the Decemberists library. While it might require a bit more effort to enjoy, it is definitely an achivement. It's not going to be your favorite Decemberists album to be sure, but it might go down as the most impressive. B

Red Cortez - Hands to the Wall

Sometimes I feel like I have to struggle to appreciate some indie rock. It might not grab me the first time around, but after a bit more effort and patience I might eventually fall in love with a band. The problem is that I go through so much music that sometimes if it doesn't grab me after the first listen it might not make it to a second or third. That's why I was excited when after hearing one track from Red Cortez I was instantly hooked.

I was introduced to Red Cortez via the IndieFeed podcast. The first offering from this new indie band is their EP Hands to the Wall. The first track has an large epic sound, and just when you think you know what to expect from this band, you make it to the second track and find you've got then all wrong. This EP has a pop-rock sound that will have you tapping your foot in your cubical through every track. I look forward to seeing what this band does next.

If you're curious to hear what Red Cortez sounds like check out their MySpace page. If you dig it you can purchase their EP for a measly $3.99 from their website. B-

Moving on up

I like to think people look up to me. I mean, I'm a funny guy, and I can be resourceful when its necessary. Yet when it comes to promotions and rising above my ranks I never seem to do well. Moving up usually comes down to two things: working well with others and leading the people beneath you. I am inexperienced in the ladder. Outside leading a boyscout troop back before I was even a teenager, I've never been in charge of supervising anyone. I was a magazine supervisor once, but supervisor an unruly periodical department is hardly the same as a bunch of disgruntled employees.

When it comes to moving up I guess people don't take me seriously. I've felt this way for many years. I think I've been typecast as the funny sidekick rather then the kind of guy that could lead a group. I like that I can make people laugh. It sometimes makes me feel like I have a bit of control over them. And typically I'm known as one of the few office clowns. That's never stopped me from applying for a job posting at work though, so when I saw they were accepting applications for an assistant buyer position in my office of course I put in for it. I know in my heart I don't have much of a shot, but putting in for these things shows initiative and will hopefully one day lead to a promotion. If I don't get it I won't be surprised, nor will I will disappointed. Sure it would be nice, but I've come to live with rejection in one form or another, and promotions are no exception.

Reflecting upon my moments of great rejection brought me back to middle school, to the one time I tried out for a promotion from average student to popular student. When I was in middle school something had been birthed that I could never have dreamed of: a gang. This gang included all of the problem kids; kids who had been held back a grade, kids who made noise in class, and I was a told a few kids had actually smoked pot. I'm sure some of them are legitimate criminals now, but at that time it was mostly a sham, and I knew no better. The notoriety was coming from so and so's cousin who was friends with someone who lived near the Latin Kings! How much more legitimate could a middle school gang get?

In middle school as was much as I am now: a pudgy, nerdy kid. This meant I was bullied and made fun of periodically. It didn't mean I wasn't popular or had no friends, I just had a bigger target on me then other kids. I decided I would somehow gain admittance to the gang in an effort to get what I thought would be protection, and popularity. And besides, at that period in my schooling, the bad kids and the cool kids were typically one in the same. I was made fun of by the gang members for trying to join, and needless to say, my application didn't make it very far into their ranks. They decided to forgo the interview process and move right on to mockery. This was worse than a square peg in a round hole scenario. A square peg, when given enough pressure could be forced into a round hole. I was a octagon peg that couldn't even find a hole of any shape or size.

It's been a week since my interview for the assistant buyer position. I think the interview went pretty well. Rumors are circulating over who the position is being given to, but nothing official has been said yet. No surprises really. No matter where I am it always feels like there is a secretive group of decision makers that I have no access to. I'll be called into the office, thanked for my application and they'll explain what I could do to improve myself for the next time a position comes up. I'll act out the part of the grateful employee and say the stuff they want to hear and dutifully return to my desk and do the same thing I've been doing for the past three years.

This is beginning to sound more and more like disappointment. Sure, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it. It would have been nice to have people look to me for answers, and getting a bigger paycheck would be nice too. Really, I'm okay with not getting it though. One day I'll have my chance. Hopefully. Until then, ever kingdom needs a good jester.

My Long Winded Bitch and Moan Fest about Watchmen

It finally happened. Someone in Hollywood had the cajones to adapt Watchmen into a movie. The question that begs to be answered is: Should Watchmen be a movie?

For those that don't know, Watchmen is one of the most important comics ever written. It's not the best comic ever, but this was the first time a superhero comic was intended for adults. Politics, sex, these weren't topics that were typically addressed in comics. Watchmen changed all of that. Watchmen showed the world that comics could be a legitimate form of literature. Stories have been written since that do the same thing except better, but Watchmen was the first.

It really is surprising it took this long to make it to the big screen. There have been talks about making it into a film for years now. I read once that Terry Gilliam was approached and he said to make it would cost a million dollars per page of the comic. Maybe what he meant was 'to do it right'.

I don't want to be one of those fanboys that shouts "That's not how it happened in the comic!" over and over, but they really changed more then they lead fans to believe when hyping the film. When the Sin City movie was made, it was heralded as a translation rather than an adaptation. That's what I was hoping for with Watchmen, but sadly that wasn't what we got. Instead what fans were handed was a similar plot with more violence, less backstory, a gratuitous sex scene, and a completely different ending. It felt like they wanted to make the story more Hollywood and inject the kind of stuff you find in your run of the mill R rated blockbuster. I'm no prude, I love sex and violence, but the liberties they took with them in this film fit about as much as Steven Hawkins being casting on Dancing with the Stars.

Like most adaptations, there were a handful of minor changes that I could look past. In the comic, there is an on-going story where a young man is reading a comic called Tales of the Black Freighter. The story is about a sailor trying to find his way back home and has to overcome lots of obstacles. Rather than have the character reading the comic in the film, which would have added an hour to the movie, they released it as an animated film, which is due out on DVD later this month.


Minor tweaks to the characters' origins and added sex and violence aside, I think the biggest affront to this story was the dramatic change of the ending. Please keep in mind that if you haven't read the book or seen the movie I'm about to ruin both for you, so if you don't want to ruin the surprise stop reading now.

In the book there is a subplot about a group of people that are considered leaders in their fields; an artist, a writer, scientists, et cetera. We see that they are on an island working on a secret project. It is later revealed that what they're working on would unkowingly be used as Doomsday device for Veidt, only to have their ship home blow up with everyone on it. Veidt puts their plan into motion at the end of the story which includes placing a giant alien squid thinggie in the center of New York City which kills half of the population with it's psychic brain (I'm really oversimplifying it; just go read the damn book already). The idea that the planet was attacked by an alien force convinces the nations to set their differences aside and combine their efforts. Veidt essentially unites the world in one common goal. It's human nature to be at war, but perhaps they could all finally join together to fight the same enemy, even if it wasn't real. And that's exactly what Veidt accomplishes.

The film is similar in the respect that Veidt has scientists working to unwittedly attack New York. He murders them to ensure that no one could reveal his secret. Instead of sending a giant alien squid thinggie to the city, he fabricates an attack and makes it look like it came from Dr. Manhattan. In framing Manhattan (the guy, not the city), he has effectively convinced the world to unite to defend itself from the now crazy Dr. Mantattan and his blue dick of doom.

How retarded. Like any other country wouldn't just say, "Well that sucks for the US, but let's just make sure we're ready in case he comes here!" An alien attack is something that would be a threat to the planet as a whole, and since the attack was partially psychic in the book it effected people all over the globe.

I guess I was expecting too much from the film. It had so much potential. I will admit that it looks gorgeous on the big screen. They really did make the characters come to life. The best part of the film is Rorschach, who despite having one of the most brutal scenes in the film, is the character kept most true to the comic.

I was just hoping that in an industry where a comic book film could be made into art, which is what Christopher Nolan achieved with The Dark Knight, Zack Snyder would take the holiest of comic stories and keep it a bit more true to the book. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Watchmen creator Alan Moore said, "I increasingly fear that nothing good can come of almost any adaptation, and obviously that's sweeping. There are a couple of adaptations that are perhaps as good or better than the original work. But the vast majority of them are pointless." Some would call that statement a bit glib, but after seeing this movie, I'm beginning to agree.

Dead babies

I'm so tired of seeing that stupid see-you-next-Tuesday with all the babies on the news. I mean, does ANYONE like this woman? Finally the country has something they can all rally behind. Conservatives and liberals alike hate this lady. Bless you Nadya Suleman for uniting the nation!

There's only one fair way to handle this issue. Once all the kids have got their teeth in there should be a steel cage match. Only the strongest baby gets to live. The corpses of the remaining seven will be sold on eBay to earn money for the winner's college fun (or more plastic surgery for the mother). Who will survive the Octagon?! Coming soon to pay-per-view.

Seriously, this is such a non-issue. Just let the woman quietly ruin the lives of her children in peace and don't pay any more attention to her.

-- Post From My iPhone