Sunday, August 31, 2008

And in this corner: Governor Sarah Palin!

Like many of you, I was at work when John McCain announced his VP choice on Friday, so I didn't get to see the news conference. I decided to search for the speech online. Here it is for those of you that might have missed it.

My fellow Americans. I come to you today with news the world has been waiting for; I have chosen my running mate for the 2008 Presidential Election. And guess, what: it's a woman!
Come on out here Governor Sarah Palin! Yes my friends, the Democrats aren't the only party with a feisty dame in politics. Nevermind that she has no foreign policy experience. Just look at her? She's hot! She's so much hotter than Hilary!

My democrat friends, I know many of you are feeling alienated by your party. After all of your hard work and dedication to Senator Clinton, you feel like you've been left out in the cold in favor of this brass rock star. Well have I got a treat for all of you. If you thought you liked Hilary, you'll love Governor Palin. She's got breasts and a vagina just like Hilary! Nevermind the fact that she probably would disagree with Hilary on every issue that's important to you and even called her a whiner.

Yes Governor Palin thinks creationism should be taught in school, yes she doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change, and yes I had only met her once before picking her for my VP, but come on, check out that rack, eh? She even makes Cindy jealous! And please, do not worry that Governor Palin is unsure of what a the duties of a Vice President are, come November she'll know exactly what is expected of her.

For critics that would say this is a cheap attempt to pandering to Democratic voters, I would like to remind you that when I was a POW we didn't have luxuries like women. I spent many nights in the arms of my fellow POWs waiting for a day to lead this fine nation, and with Governor Palin at my side this might finally be my chance.

My fellow Americans, on November 4th make the right choice when you enter that voting booth. No, you won't be able to vote for Hilary, but this is almost just as good!

No comments: